goodbye 2008.

so i thought it'd be appropriate to do my "tops" of 2008. and since i probably won't have time to update tomorrow (you know, all the hardcore partying lol), i figured i'd do it today.

top 10 songs of 2008:
1. electric feel - mgmt - for obvious reasons. i've listened to this song on repeat more times than i can even begin to count. i lost count at 200-something.
2. hold my hand - akon and michael jackson - major, serious, intense props to lyapa for showing me this song. cried the first few times i heard it.
3. when you're home - from broadway musical In the heights - i thoroughly enjoyed this show. this song stuck with me because it made me miss home even more than i already did. great vocals.
4. sunday smile - beirut - non-emo emo music. looooooove it.
5. im telech - idan raichel project - israeli songs of peace and harmony. could it get any better??
6. get silly - v.i.c. feat. soulja boy - aweeesome.
7. marching bands of manhattan - death cab for cutie - i guess being in the city, i took to listening to this song more than usual.
8. hometown glory - adele - she has a great voice, and i really related to the lyrics.
9. satisfaction - benny benassi - great dance song. haha.
10. i like giants - kimya dawson - so i COMPLETELY forgot about this song until now. it really belongs near the top, but i don't feel like rearranging everything. so yeah lol.
jk. i'm adding an 11th: molten light - chad vangaalen

top 10 movies of 2008: (actually, since movies are generally sucking, it's not so much "top", as "what i actually saw and liked")
1. the dark knight
2. pineapple express
3. forgetting sarah marshall
4. tropic thunder
5. horton hears a who! - best spent dollar. ever.
6. harold & kumar escape from guantanamo bay
7. the duchess
8. sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 - haha haven't watched it yet. but we are going to tomorrow, and it will be SO awesome. and by "awesome" i mean "cheesy, lame, and insanely fun to make fun of."
9. iron man - i suppose. it's worth mentioning, at least.
10. twilight - meh. another mention.

top 10 youtube videos: (so this was really hard. and some of them aren't strictly youtube videos... but i watched them frequently on youtube, so i included them anyway.)
1. anything katt williams
2. "caitlin is racist" - haha i love lyapa and caitlin.
3. harry potter puppet pals (particularly "mysterious ticking noise")
4. anything Cascabel. lol.
5. the humans are dead (flight of the conchords)
6. amp'd busted commercial
7. JT and co. "single ladies" SNL skit
8. can i have yo numba?
9. mva graduation, class song "i'm your angel"
10. WHATTHEBUCK.
honorable mentions: anything daniel tosh, jizz in my pants, korean kid singing "hey jude", "muffins in love", powerthirst, "shenanigans", unforgivable, which backstreet boy is gay, anything mitch hedberg, 5 years time (noah and the whale), how to be emo, anything jordin goff

so i would do "top 10 books of 2008", but since i haven't read ten extremely great books - better than my existing favs - this year, the list would end up just being an updated version of my favorites. well... i suppose i could do that...

top 10 favorite books (any year):
1. if nobody speaks of remarkble things - jon mcgregor
2. to kill a mockingbird - harper lee
3. lucas - kevin brooks
4. charlie and the chocolate factory - roald dahl
5. serious girls - maxine swann
6. lord of the rings series - j.r.r. tolkien
7. wuthering heights - emily bronte
8. harry potter series - j.k. rowling
9. tuesdays with morrie - mitch albom
10. life's little instruction book - h. jackson brown, jr. (best grad gift ever.)
very very honorable mentions: grapes of wrath, finding the open road, anna karenina (would have included it, but i still haven't finished!), a christmas carol, jessica darling series, 1984, the chosen, interview with the vampire, the virgin and the gypsy

um so i'm tired of doing top 10's and i'm getting hungry... goodbye 2008, hello 2009.

so i've

been sitting here for the last hour or two trying to find the right words to express how i'm feeling. i began writing about how much i appreciate my friends and loved ones, and anyone who happens to read this blog. but my thoughts were getting jumbled, my words didn't flow right, and i just knew something was wrong. i sort of touched upon my ideas when i was changing my flickr profile, but it still wasn't quite what i wanted to get across.

i suppose i just feel really connected to everyone and everything right now. being back home, back in my comfort zone in a way, i've realized/remembered what (and who) is really important to me. i feel like my thoughts and opinions are becoming my own again, like i'm molding back into the person i currently am and the person i want to become. and it's also been refreshing to be surrounded by people who actually care about me, and who i care about in return. i can't even begin to explain how much i appreciate my closest friends, our mutual understanding and acceptance of one another. our souls just blend well.

and i'm going to stop now, because my mind is getting all hot and bothered thinking about everything. everything is just swirling around, gaining momentum! dfakdjapeofpiwje. translation:

mmumhmmwhaa

Cosmo and i had a relaxing day/night in the rain and fog.

merry christmas.

yeah, it was yesterday. so what?

today was much too cold.

so after i bought the awesome book above at one of my favorite bookstores in town, i headed straight home to make some tea. Cosmo and i were not agreeing with the weather, and today i didn't feel like wasting gas aimlessly wandering. i spent the rest of the day inside, drinking chai and eating nonsense.

tomorrow, i promise, i will get stuff done.
oh, and the parents left for north carolina today. so it looks like i'll be alone for christmas. not sure if i'm happy or sad about this. hm.

"and then i passed out naked in my own vomit" :boop:

after a few nights of only 2-3 hours of sleep, my body was more than happy for the 11 i got today.

i spent friday and saturday in mount vernon. oh my, it was strange being back at mva. but oh so great to see my friends =)

my ohio experience in summation [so far. hah.]:
nights easily melted into days
laughter snuck into even the most serious of conversations
experiences, stories, memories, frustrations. all shared, all valued.
warmth replaced coldness
i no longer felt like an individual, but part of a collective being. i had forgotten what that was like, to be surrounded by so many people who care about me, who i care about.
i simultaneously felt at home and completely estranged.

umm so today i stayed in and
1) made my own hot chocolate [soy, not instant, added some cinnamon. YUM.]
2) made soup [tomato, rice, greens, someotherdelicious stuff] - remind me to give it a name...
3) watched movies
4) drank some of the best tea i've had in a while. something chinese w/ flower and citrus.
5) continually promised myself i would start reading today. maybe tomorrow.

so hopefully i spend tomorrow "out and about." i want to do some exploring and, i suppose out of necessity and guilt, christmas shopping.

homehomehome!

SFKLJASWPEWAIKEJL got in at like 9:30 last night.

and since leaving new york, i've managed to have 3-4 cups of tea, 2 cups of coffee, and a naked juice infested with guarana. HAH

i don't remember all the clever and witty things i was going to say before i started this, so i'm going to goooooo. details later?

2 down, 1 to go!

finals, that is.

i can't WAIT for thursday to come!

i'm sick, constantly tired, and stressed. finals themselves would have taken a toll on me... but my immune system decided to completely fail this week AND i need to do laundry, pack, find a way to get to the airport [on the meager amount of money i have at the moment], write a paper, and sell some of my books back to the bookstore. wtf

based on my recent update schedule, i probably won't post again until i'm in my lovely room in ohio, drinking tea and not having a care in the world.


i haven't been outside since this morning, and i probably won't leave the dorm again until thursday. college can be such a drag.

these may just keep me sane during finals

"im telech" - idan raichel project:


"when you're home" - in the heights:


ONE MORE WEEK!

OMG WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!

haha dude it's been like a week... what have i even been doing??

hm. watching movies/tv, eating, and actually spending time with the friends i've managed to acquire here. lolz

thursday our floor went to In The Heights!! sooooo good!! the choreography and music was amazing. and it was heartwarming, and made me miss home =) i want the soundtrack.

saturday night it finally snowed here! sunday i procrastinated my paper until like 11 pm. and then at about 11:45, we watched a couple episodes of alias. so it was a while until i actually finished [around 4?].

OMGGGGGGGGG LYAPA SHOWED ME THIS SONG AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I CAN'T STOP LISTENING!!! akon and michael jackson!!!! WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!

you're awesome

it's december now!

and i just want to go home.

so some people didn't seem as excited to see me as i was to see them. problem? yes, i think so. haha no but really, the people that do "matter," seemed to miss me sufficiently... which proves that i do, in fact, have a couple friends here! *thumbs up*

seeing tomi this past weekend reminded me how much i miss all my friends. i'm home in about 16 days! so. freaking. geeked. i can't wait!

today in class i realized that i only have this week and next week of real classes, and then it's finals. but i did alright on my midterms, so hopefully they're not too bad. either way, i only have about 3 or 4 classes of each subject left. YES.

this afternoon i watched pan's labyrinth and cried. really though, it's such a sad movie. why didn't i know it was sad?? for some reason, i thought it was one of those fun fantasy, child adventure type movies. yes, there was adventure... but it didn't seem very fun lol. anyway, that was depressing. and THEN i went to a candlelight vigil for the mumbai attacks. that was also sad. i cried during that too. however, the rest of my night has been noticeably more lighthearted =)

i'm sorry - i keep giving gossip girl a try. but it just sucks. i suppose it's amusing, but i don't know, it's just not good lol.

midnight mayhem! and any other mayhem, for that matter...

so my thanksgiving break was pretty good, how was yours?

so i awoke in the wee hours on thursday to make flight to chicago. haha i got to the terminal with two hours to spare... anyway, my parents picked me up at o'hare and we drove to uchicago [tomi lives in burtson-judson courts]

OMG!! attention harry potter lovers! tomi's dorm looks like HOGWARTS!! it's so awesome, it's this old gothic building, with a courtyard in the middle. if you've been to princeton, it sort of looks like that [if you haven't, there's a shot of it in Across the Universe]. hahaha it was awesome, i so want to live there. i meant to snap some awesomely awesome [i don't think i've used that word enough in this paragrap!] shots, but i never really found the time. they even have "houses"... haha i'm so buying that place one day...

anyway, we arrived and had a homestyle thanksgiving dinner. it was cute; everyone left in the dorm and the deans all sat down at this long dining table. there were about 30 of us in total. the food was all homemade, some of it made by my lovely tomi *coughishouldnthaveeatenthatpumpkinpiecough*. and it was cool that the adults made sure EVERYONE had their share of wine =)

before, during, and after the meal i got to know tomi's friends better. i'm not going to lie, based on things i had heard before and my first impressions, i thought everyone would be pretty nerdy. it turns out that they were fun to hang out with. and one girl i met is from the bronx, which made me happy [even if she did say that she makes fun of NYU students. what matters is that she said at least i was cool haha]

chilled for a bit before leaving later that night to go shopping in aurora [MIDNIGHT MAYHEM!]... trains, taxis, coffee, photos, argyle, lines... got back to BJ at around 8... woke up at around 2... ate leftover thanksgiving food ha
friday night we just ordered in and watched rocky horror picture show.

saturday some of us went to wicker park, which is the "hip" part of the city. you know, thrift stores, cafes, etc. anyway, it reminded me of new york a bit. we ate at earwax cafe - i got tofu scramble. YUM. and their chai was pretty darn tasty. we shopped around afterward. i got boots for $15... and they're exactly what i've been wanting! simple and black.
that night we ordered in again and watched saw.

and this morning i woke up bright and early to have the worst morning ever. haha. tomi was still asleep when i was getting ready to leave. but she got up and called safe ride, since it wasn't "safe" to walk to the green line alone. so the shuttle came and picked me up to take me to the green line BUT the green line was closed. by that time, the guy had already driven off. i called tomi again, and she called them again. so he came back and picked me up. and then we had to figure out how i would get to the airport. ugh. went back to BJ, talked to tomi and the lady working at the front desk, figured things out. so the shuttle guy took me to 55th street to get the bus that would take me to the red line, after which i would transfer to the orange or blue lines. by this time, i think the guy was getting a little annoyed, but he was still polite and had been REALLY friendly in the beginning. i probably should have given him a tip, but didn't think about it until afterward *frown*. to make things worse, i looked and sounded like an idiot when i got on the bus. "wait, do i have to pay? how much?" duh, alia, it's public transportation. just like the subway, train and bus rides you've taken before. so once i got to the red line, i again felt like an idiot because the machine wouldn't take my money. finally i had to ask the lady working. and then i felt even dumber when she used a different machine and the money was taken perfectly fine. ha. then, because i just kept losing my senses, i couldn't insert my card in the right way at the turnstile. the lady AND some random guy had to help me. *sigh* finally i got on the train, transferred to the blue, and was on my way to o'hare. it took forever, by the way. i was SURE i was going to miss my flight lol. at o'hare, i checked the general sign to see what terminal united flights left out of. i only saw 2, so i went to that one. when i got to terminal 2, i found a departure/arrival screen and checked my flight. it was leaving out of gate b14. B14! that meant i was at the entirely wrong terminal! soo i had to take the airport shuttle thing to get to terminal 1 [b & c concourses]. by that time, my flight was supposed to board in less than 20 minutes. and i hadn't even gone through security yet. so after getting confused, i found the RIGHT security line and went through. they freaking made me take off my hat; they NEVER make me take off my hat [ok, maybe i've never flown with my hat on... lol]. sooo i was rushing to my gate after security [dropped my boarding pass]. but once i got to my gate, i found that the plane had JUST arrived, and the passengers hadn't even gotten off yet. so i got to rest a few minutes while people got off and the plane was cleaned etc. and then i boarded and was content for two hours. but once i got to laguardia, i remembered that i needed to get back to the subway station [or else pay a larger amount for a taxi] to catch the 7 into manhattan. sooo once i found where the bus was, i realized that i didn't have exactly $2. like an idiot, i put my $1 change in the thing, and then asked the driver, "can i just give you a dollar bill? i don't have anymore change." he just looked at me and was like "are you sure you don't more?" so i sat there and searched... i found 50 cents, so i put that in. i kept looking and found a nickel. lol so i put that in. the guy didn't seem to be paying me any more attention, so i just gave it up and sat down heh. soo on the bus ride to the subway, i realized it was raining more and more. finally got on the 7 and was relaxed a bit. UNTIL some announcer was saying stuff about the N [the train i was going to take once in manhattan] and totally freaked me out. however, no one else seemed to be freaked out about it, so i just didn't worry about it. once at times square i transferred to the N. ha unfortunately it was an express train, not local, so it wouldn't stop at the stop closest to me. so instead, i had to walk 6 blocks in the rain. so i finally got back to the dorm and you'd THINK that'd be the end of my stupidity for the day. BUT NO! i got to my room, and tried opening the door, and it just didn't work. i was like wtf? so i figured jay had locked the door, which would make sense if she was gone for the weekend. so i searched in my bag to see if i had my key on me, but i didn't. so i went down to the front desk to borrow a key, but they had already left for the day [even though someone had JUST been there 10 minutes ago!] so as i came back to my room i was very disheartened. i found a few old metrocards and tried to unlock my door with them. fail. as i was putting them back in my bag, jay comes to the door! WTF?!?! yep, she had been in there asleep the entire time! and then she was like "ya, the door wasn't even locked." w.t.f. so yeah. that's my travel story from hell. never let all of this happen to you in 6 or 7 hours.

um so that was a really long and really bitter rant about/recount of my morning.

when i got in my room, i knocked out for a good 3 hours.
i'm glad to see everyone again! ok, maybe not everyone...
all i've done tonight is watch desperate housewives and twilight.
so goodnight because this post is extremely long.

thanksgiving!!

flying out in the AM! getting to the airport will be a pain in the arse, but at least i get to see my parents tomorrow and spend the weekend with tomi

have a great weekend, everyone!!!

i wanted to post a great video or photo relating to thanksgiving. yep, i searched youtube and google to no avail.

BUT

i remembered macy's thanksgiving day parade!

almost sad i won't be here for it. but judging how halloween and election night turned out, i don't think i'd want to handle the huge crowds.

and finally,
eat lots of stuffing, mashed potatoes, tofurkey, and pumpkin pie!

i woke up early today, don't have classes tomorrow, and want to see aurelia's oratorio again.

aurelia's oratorio was so good. i thoroughly enjoyed it.

yesterday i used skype for the first time. ha.

thanksgiving's this week! i leave for chicago on thursday... i'm so excited to see tomi =)

OMG IT WILL NEVER STOP!!!

WTF.

movies are awesome

nothing new, but oh. my. gosh.

there are some movies that i've watched recently that are just so good:

finding neverland - johnny depp and that cute little boy from charlie & the chocolate factory. what more can i say? oh, and i cried through most of it ha.
a clockwork orange - reminded me that i never actually finished [or began] the book. i need to get on that.
wuthering heights - the 1939 version of one of my all-time favorite books
and of course, amélie will never cease to be adorably cute. not to mention it has one of the best soundtracks i've ever heard.
the duchess was alright. better than i thought it would be. but that assumption had mainly been based on the opinions of the pretentious, artsy, film people here. they don't like anything anyway. the movie was compelling, and quite sad. if i had been in a worse mood when i watched it, i probably would have cried lol.

anywayyyy i'm going to go watch some more of wuthering heights before i go to aurelia's oratorio at 2

i just sobbed while watching ugly betty.

*EDIT: [7pm] OMG i just watched finding neverland. i don't know if it's because i'm in such a terrible mood right now or what, but that is the saddes movie! i literally was crying through most of it... ya, now that i think about it, it's probably just me. but still. you should all watch it.*

sunday smile

um, i just remembered that it's TUESDAY. not the weekend anymore...

uh, so i'm totally a bum for not updating since thurs night/fri morning.

didn't even leave the dorm on friday. i watched penelope though! i love james mcavoy. mmmmmm. later, we made codes names and watched flashdance. haha

on saturday, i took the subway to macy's. biggest one in the world. which means it was the most annoying to navigate through lol. and waaaay too many people. anyway, i didn't get anything and i just came back and hung out in the dorm. we ordered insomnia, listened to nsync, and watched atonement =)

sunday i tried to go out and get coffee and nearly froze from the wind. umm what else happened that day? oOo ya. anyway... i love my friends =)

woke up late and missed a class today LOL i hate my ME culture class anyway... ha

i've been listening to this song a lot lately. what can i say? beirut is so addicting:

i watched doug today. i miss the good ole days.

janice being awesome:
[aka she made this for class]


what i've been doing this week [in addition to writing papers...] :





um, yeah. i swear that's not all i've accomplished. i also spent hours reminiscing about high school and home and friends and good times and being young etc etc etc. i've also royally fucked up my sleeping pattern... but i suppose it wasn't too great anyway.

is it terrible that i can't remember how i spend my days anymore?

i'm tired. and i can't wait until christmas break and summer break.

my 100th post!!!!

bust. one.

sooo getting another A on my writing essay has put me in a good mood.

and last night i talked to caitlin. cried, laughed, it was all good.



HAHA!

excerpts

so i'm completely losing it [AGAIN!] and i've been looking through my old journals...


12/6/06: if only life were easier. if only love was simpler. if only people were easier to understand... if only our minds weren't focused on ourselves. if only we knew that we are always on someone else's mind. if only we could hear the voice calling in the fog, the answer to our hopes... if only we could hear that the same voice could be our death, the consequence of our selfishness.

2/13/07: whenever i look into your eyes, time stops. the world doesn't spin. and those other voices don't matter - they're lost in the cacophony of life. but you, your soul, can be heard above...

"live like you're dying" is so cliche. hello, we're all always dying. so just live.

3/11/07: i've closed myself off from everything and everyone that i can't do anything properly. today, i had problems eating. in total, i only left my room for about an hour. i don't feel like i can even talk to my friends anymore. i'm torturing myself in a very unwholesome way. i feel like my psyche is destructing by the second. i'm depressed and i can't totally figure out why. school is terrible. all my relationships are failing - i'm pushing people away. yet all i want is love and happiness - to be loved and to love someone in a totally perfect way. i think the possibility, or realization, that that won't happen is why i'm in such a bad mood. i feel inferior to everyone. i feel unwanted and unnecessary. i almost feel like a kid again, not being able to completely think for myself. i'm avoiding people, and places that have a lot of people. my paranoia's getting worse and worse...

time is rushing onward, but i'm stuck in this one spot. my heart and my mind are deceiving me. i don't know what or who to trust. i don't understand anything anymore. why am i such a failure?

4/11/07: i don't even feel fit to be around other people. something is seriously wrong with me. i don't seem to be able to love properly. i've been by myself for too long, grown too selfish. i feel like i'm failing at what God intended us to do.

i try, and always fall short
i look, and see an empty room
my hearts longs for your touch
waiting, waiting for the time
when my walls will break down
alone, trapped in my selfishness
longing to love and be loved
looking to the cross, my only hope
save me, before i lose sanity
before my soul falls to pieces
before i forget the promise you made

who can i turn to?
my mouth becomes like a sealed envelope
tears stream from my eyes as my soul dies
words left unspoken, mind forever troubled
forever plagued by the things i cannot realize

will you let me weep, and carry this burden?
will my life mean nothing in the end?
the tracks i will leave may forever curse the path of those who tried to love me
when i had nothing else, i could claim your love
if only, if only i could delve into the depths of my soul
and find where the poison of self began

i try, but that doesn't seem enough

the voices tells me i'll never -
be like you
i'll never -
be loved the same
it tells me i can't love,
i can't be happy
but i try
i try with my everything
and i hope,
that someday it will change

i'm sorry for my silent presence,
my meaningless words...

8/28/07: i'm totally losing my sense of self, my personality, my happiness. i've basically given up on life... my thoughts don't matter. my words don't matter. my actions don't matter. nothing i do in life matters.
i know i'm messed up. shay just died. she's yound and i don't think she should have gone. how can i watch her lose her life and not appreciate mine? why do i long to leave this world, yet she went without a choice?

4/13/08: each day i'm feeling older and older. seeing all these kids on our campus [academy days and music fest] reminds me of the times when i visited here, thinking i was so cool... i can't believe i've been here for 4 years. what's even worse is that i can't believe that i won't be coming back here next fall.
a lot of high school seemed to pass in a blur. the things i once thought were important, really didn't even matter that much. as it's drawing to a close, i still don't think a lot of things matter.

4/21/08: i wish someone would say the things about me that need to be said.

5/26/08: i'm sort of bummed that i'm graduating when i've finally started enjoying high school. there's no way i'm ready to graduate. i'm still a kid.



i need to know i'm not alone.
i need to know that there's someone, anyone, out there...

it's only 11 on a friday night and i'm thinking about going to sleep?!

yes, i'm officially a failure. ha.

so i suppose this week has been good overall. whatever. nothing exciting since obama winning.

today my writing class went to the museum of modern art to get inspiration for our next essay. afterward, i went with a few friends to magnolia bakery... i got two cupcakes and a completely lame hot chocolate. they should just stick to cupcakes. so that put me in a less-happy mood. THEN i awkwardly ate dinner with a friend and her friends, none of which i talked to. and then i came back to the floor and saw no one. eventually i wandered into someone's room and watched the end of the ring. meanwhile, some people on my floor [who i thought i was going to drink with!] were getting drunk...

and i have a headache.

collegefuckingsucksimpissed.

i am so happy right now!!!

YOU ALREADY KNOW!!!!!!

at the moment i'm sooo proud to say i'm an American [what?! i know. crazy!]
and i feel like i'm actually a part of this country now, i actually had a voice. new york city is the greatest place to be right now!

i don't care what anyone says. this is history.

what i did yesterday

location: queens [5 pointz and PS 1]

some of us took a detour on the way home [aka going to shake shack at madison square park. best [veggie for me!] burgers, fries, and shakes ever!

omg it's november!

¡es el dia de los muertos!

I haven't updated since tuesday and zero comments?? hataaaaaas!!!

so tues was good (hookah!) until I threw up from upstein's suspicious vegetarian chili

thursday we had trick or treat-ers! local kids & their parents came to our dorm and we handed out candy. we also decoraed our floor for the contest. the best decorated floor would get a Magnolia Cupcake party...aaaaand of course 9B won!! so yes, i'm excited.

friday was halloween. which = absolute chaos in new york. so much fun though. I was a tree/mother earth/woodland elf. costumes costumes costumes! and gen was the best joker EVER

today I lazed around etc etc.

so I decided that what I mainly don't like about college is how "partying" is so emphasized. it's like people feel obligated to get drunk. like, to be cool, to be "anyone" you have to get trashed every weekend or you have to stay out until 3 every night. whatevsssssss! I know I'M cool/theawesomestpersonever and that's all that matters.

so I feel like a deadbeat college student because the people i'm hanging out with right now are doing homework...and i'm sitting here reading anna karenina and writing this/texting... again, WHATEVSSSSSS.

i like watching the puddles gather rain

i'm feeling better.
rain does wonders...

one of my favorite songs of ALL TIME! "no rain" by blind melon:

i still need a hug

yep.

my life sucks right now.

i need a hug

i can't believe i haven't blogged since tuesday!

clearly, my life hasn't been too exciting. or maybe just the opposite! HA. yeah, right.

so my memory is getting terrible and i had to look at my last few days' tweets to figure what i had been doing...

on weds, devin called and we talked for like an hour. so that was fun. i wasted the rest of the day watching True Blood and doing idontknowwhat.

thursday after class i went walking around in search of a cheap mask for the masquerade party on friday. although i did find a nice one for $13, i wouldn't have bought it if i had known that i would wear it for about 10 minutes, take it off because i was hot, accidentally rip off one of the straps, set it down on a chair somewhere, watch numerous people wear it, and find that it had disappeared after a few hours. so yeah.

thursday night i called caitlin and we talked for a whiiiiile, which did wonders for my soul.

friday [in the afternoon] i chilled/wandered/freaked out about not being able to get cash out of the ATM. but it worked out eventually. i really need a job.

and then... the "lingerie masquerade." i don't really even know if i want to, or should, explain. i mean, it wasn't quite a masquerade because the few of us who did have masks only wore them for about 5 minutes [except gen, who wore his batman-esque mask all night]. and it wasn't quite a lingerie party because only some of us were wearing less clothing than normal... or some people, after a while, went and put more clothing on. it got even stranger when more non-floor people started showing up that WEREN'T wearing any sort of lingerie. it was awkward... and then the dancing stopped completely because the RAs said that it needed to be quieter [although it was still before quiet hours!]. and i think the fact that not everyone had pregamed beforehand made it awkward too. and i know i felt weird too because a few people were clearly hooking up, or desperately trying to, and i wasn't a part of it. i mean, it was just one of those times when you pause and think "this is really happening? this isn't a movie?" gosh i hate how cliche life is. and although i've been going outside my comfort zone, and going against my nature, to be more outgoing and hang out with more people... it's just not working. idk, maybe last night just wasn't a great night. it was just "one of those times"... so strange... i just felt more out of it, more out of place, than i should have.

and i suppose wearing contacts for the first time in about three years didn't help either.

whatever. i don't even want to think about what's going on tonight. sometimes i really hate the city... and society. it's so fucked up.

and i have two papers to write.

i'm really unhappy right now. i think i need a hug.

i got two packages today. i was happy.

so sunday i grounded myself again. when i was off by myself, i wandered into b & n and ended up in the religion section. buddhism, in particular. long story short, i thought back to senior year bible class - you know, worldviews & religion... so yeah. i feel like i should have an entirely separate post for this.

yesterday i had my last midterm - cultural foundations. i think i did well. i should get an A- at the least. then after class, shritee and i headed to brooklyn for our writing assignment. our next essay is about a place we know or want to know... it's really abstract. anyway, we decided to go to prospect park.





we got falafel afterward and sat outside of stern and people-watched.

then in the afternoon/evening, i hung out with elaina. she handrolled cigarettes and we went on an adventure. we also ate soup, drank coffee and did laundry. oh, the daily show and the colbert report as well.

today i was practically asleep in my first class. oOo we got back our midterm for social foundations [philosophy] ... freaking 84, B. my professor is so geekily and sexily impossible. so far i think that has been my highest grade in the class... so i think i'll end up getting a B for the semester. it's such a shame... i have the biggest crush on him : /

DLASKNDFOA;WSFJISDWO!

"I’ve been walking in the same way as I did
Missing out the cracks in the pavement
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet
“Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I can call?”
“No and thank you, please Madam. I ain’t lost, just wandering”

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I’ve met
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world
Are the wonders of my world

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united
Shows that we ain’t gonna take it
Shows that we ain’t gonna stand shit
Shows that we are united

Round my hometown
Memories are fresh
Round my hometown
Ooh the people I’ve met

Are the wonders of my world (4x)"

- "hometown glory", adele

serezha is my nine-year-old russian boy of the day.

so today i was in a random book-reading mood. instead of reading anything i need to read or anything i have been reading lately, i wanted to read something i hadn't read in a while. so i picked up anna karenina and began where i left off [about halfway through]. i had forgotten how much i loved tolstoy's writing. i don't know, he portrays family life with all of its inner problems so well. there's so much insight in every chapter and, daresay, on every page. not to mention he's opened my eyes up to Russian culture and lifestyle. just some things i noticed/remembered today. to share a quote:

"he was nine years old and quite a child, but he knew his soul, it was dear to him, and he guarded it as the eyelid guards the eye, and never let anyone enter his heart without the key of love" [552]

idk, just simple things like that scattered throughout the page/chapter/book really help shape the characters and set the tone.

ANYWAY

it sort of bothers me that people will read my blog and tell/talk to me about it later, but they won't actually comment. if you read this and you have something to say or you have a question, please please leave a comment. that's why they exist. anyone can comment, you don't need a blogger account or anything. hell, you can always be Anonymous if you want. so, please don't be afraid to talk to me =)

i may not flunk out of college after all!

so i feel like i need to fill you all [all 2 of you...] in on the good things that have been happening to me:

yesterday:
1) turned in my 6 pg paper - aka no more worrying
2) got the highest grade [A!] on our first paper in Writing - and because this is MY blog, i'm going to be conceited for a moment and show you what my prof wrote at the end: "this is such a strong essay that, even against my better judgement, I had to give it the highest mark! Your writing is terrific - smart, insightful and thought-provoking. Your writing shows a deep understanding of Appiah and a real commitment to understanding your own self. You might've further emphasized the 'change' you mention, socially, but that might be more a flaw of the thesis itself. Great work overall! I loved reading this!"
professor fitterman, kwame appiah, you both are awesome =)
3) i received the scarf soogie got me in korea!! yay!
4) i spent hours watching tv online instead of doing philosophy homework - yes, i consider that good... even though my grade will suffer...
5) i talked to jenn on the phone and laughed sooo hard. good times...

today:
1) got my middle east cultures midterm back and found that i got a B - which is A LOT better than i thought i had done
2) had philosophy aka got to look at my philosophy prof for a good hour and fifteen minutes LOL and all we did in class was talk about politics. ok, we did talk about aristotle a little at the end
3) iced soy chai - nuff said [HA]
4) it's the weekend!

i found these today

the day we got our caps & gowns. it was really convenient that we had study hall haha.

oh how time flies...

homecoming?

back in the city.

so instead of actually writing my 6 pg paper this afternoon, i watched episodes of ugly betty and desperate housewives. i was actually really saddened/outraged with the whole vegetarian issue in DH. bree couldn't accept the fact that her grandson was a vegetarian, and tricked him into eating meat! etc etc. whatever, it was just really off-putting to watch as a vegetarian... but ugly betty was even more enjoyable. i wanted to see more of jesse, betty's new neighbor! [for more info, see bri's blog lol] mmmm "VERY NICE"

so i keep finding ways to distract myself. i had originally told myself that once those ^ shows were over, i'd close the internet browser and give my full attention to this paper... but nooooo. i've spent the last hour or so [i really don't know how long it's been] searching for something else to "listen" to while i write aka i've just been looking for vidoes i'd watch on youtube and other tv shows... anyone have any suggestions? lol

in other news, i'm getting hungry but i don't feel like going downstairs to get food that i don't even really want [aka weinstein sucks compared to hayden] : /

video of the day, week, whatever:

updating from my phone

oh yeah, that makes me so cool. HA.

spent the morning and early afternoon lusting after a sergeant/major/idk/? with the cutest 3 yr old son and random hot black boys. saying goodbye to bowie was so hard =( lol

i've decided that I know the coolest 40 yr olds. EVER. the fam just rolls like that...

hey google this: mujhse dosti karoge.

bollywood, HOLLAAAAA!

because youtube just does it better:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkcYbr5O0ho

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdLIwv4cKKk

for those who were wondering =)

AAAAHHHHHH MIDTERMS!!!

[insert image of me screaming here. seriously, my computer hates me]

yeah, that's sort of how i'm feeling right now.

i'm stressing like hell, and seriously reconsidering the dropping-out idea.

AJFWOAFJIEFALFKJWOFUCKAISDFNAWPEIJFE

!!!!!!!!!

"girl, you crazy as hell!"

^words from one of my new favorite mexicans, heber (who also happens to be getting it on right now - at this very moment - with alicia. ya, news on the floor spreads quickly.) "nasty" is also used quite frequently in the place of "crazy"

ANYWAY.

VP debate was amusing. palin only referred to mccain as a maverick about 352681 times.

friday I semi-shopped aka got two $5 scarves and a few things at a street sale.

hookah two nights (thurs & fri) in a row was nice, but i'm (not so) slowly becoming poor.

today/saturday I hung out with a couple people from my writing class and had the most amazing frozen yogurt.
afterward the floor went to the cemetery & katz...

tonight was fun. anytime there's a lot of people, alcohol, and a trip to Insomnia, the night is destined to be good.

vegetarian awareness month!!

that's right, hos! PUT DOWN THE BURGERS AND CHICKEN NUGGETS!!

this is a good rant.

so last night i went to "voices of a people's history in the united states", a program in the hip-hop theatre festival... a few of the people there:

staceyann chin
micheal rapaport
tim robbins
suheir hammad

i was going to say something else, but i forget now...

VP debate tonight! this is about to be hella funny.

hey guys

wus happ'nin?

hahahahahaha OMG! so i love this song [molten light] by chad vangaalen [on his album "soft airplanes" that i got at the street book fair], but i just watched the video for it and it's WEIRD AS HELL!!! isn't this CREEPY?!:

but it's pretty freakin sweet that he did all the animation himself.

as of right now, life is good =)

i can't think of a good title.

ugh. so tired of everything.

it was nice seeing my family, but almost too distracting.

today i accidentally got eggs with salmon. ack. AND the lady was rude. laejkfaowiajsle.

an essay due tomorrow, and i haven't started. i'm meeting with some people in an hour to talk about it... fortunately?

whatever.

my celebrity sightings thus far. oh, and greetings from DC!

kudos to caitlin for being a badass mofo aka leaving me the third comment =)

come to new york, everyone, and i'll take you to an amazing falafel place!!! and it's only $2.50!!! something that good is so rare in the city! SO COME!!

since i am sitting here in maryland, on my cousin's computer that is in a much better state than mine, i'm going to attempt to post what i've been trying to post for the last few days:


^ricky from project runway season 4


^peter dinklage (in Elf, Entourage, and loads of other stuff)


^rachel dratch from SNL (she's hella funny!)

james franco has been around (doing grad at tisch) but i haven't actually seen him, so i figured it wouldn't be right to post a photo. but i WILL see him eventually. and a guy from gossip girl who's in one of my friend's classes (don't ask me who it is, because i don't know. maybe i'll google/wikipedia that ish right now!)
edit: i just did. his name is connor paolo.

and yesterday [or the day before] my roommate saw whitney from the hills. talk about season spoiler! haha

SDLFKJAWEPOFAISJDL.

so now that i'm away from new york for a bit, i realize that i love nyu and everything else. it's like how high school was. i complained all the time while i was at mva, but then when i was away i realized that i really enjoyed it.

and i hope everyone's registered to vote! this is a huge election, groundbreaking, history in the making! i'm not going to tell you who to vote for, but...

blogger's still hatin'!

yuppp, still no special post for you guys *tear*

maybe it's just my computer? it's been acting funny anyway... well whatever.

it's only tuesday?! i want the week to be OVER!

and i want to NOT be sick. i don't really even know how i got this cold...
city germs?

the highlight of my day was probably eating free falafel [from the restaurateur club lol] with a guy named kristoffersen. i know, such a badass name!

might be going to D.C. this weekend... SHHH!! i'm surprising my parents... [they're going for a party, and my cousin thought this would be a good idea... etc.]

and i've decided i'm not posting again until i get more than 2 comments.
so logical, i know.
ha. but really, i'm tired of seeing "2".

i have a sore throat.

so i had a special post in mind,
but blogger is being a betch and i can't upload photos. waaah.

another day, another day.

oOo that makes me think of "another day" from RENT:


listen to it a few times, and it will grow on you...

dfjawofjsdlksdfwo.

i don't think routines suit me.

college =

the biggest cliché. possible.

i'm so over it.

just give me my degree now...

so, funny thing is...

i'm actually reconsidering the whole dropping-out thing. like, i'm thinking about actually staying in school. a few phone conversations go a long way. but still, we'll wait and see. for some reason, i had completely forgotten about study abroad... AND since i basically have to finish my degree anyway, new york or another country are my best options, right??

gosh i need to be more consistent lol.

i cut my hair yesterday! hahahahaha...

and i attempted to decorate my door today. not sure if it's too much. i'll post a photo sometime and see what you guys think.

i can't believe i've only been here a month [as of this weekend] !!

there really is beauty in the breakdown...

i still want THESE. donations, anyone?

sooooo i'm leaving new york after this semester... we'll see what happens after that. but, according to my dad, i'll have to finish my degree somewhere.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!

cloud in the sky.

i want these boots.

i also want my parents' support,

but we'll see what happens.

i cried really hard today, because i finally realized that all my life i've just wanted my dad's approval. and as i was emailing him, i was worried that this may be the breaking point. leaving college is the one thing i want him to really understand about me, but it's scary as hell waiting for his answer.

i heard this song the other day in a store, and i thought back to the good ole days...

in case anyone was wondering

elijah wood did NOT, in fact, come to weinstein last night. no, instead a guy that goes to NYU named "elijah wood" showed up. lames.

so i'm getting to know more people, which is good i guess. like i'm really starting to like the girls that were in my university project group. last night, we only talked about the project a little bit, and then spent the rest of the time just talking about random stuff and getting to know each other.

sometime soon i need to do laundry and go over to bobst to watch some middle eastern film.

this is really funny [thank you, gen - or whoever on 9b found these]:

make it better, do it faster...

i need to get out of this place. ASAP.

yesterday = decent.

ate lunch with alex. omg, if you knew him... imagine a gay ken doll. that's what alex looks like. except alex claims to be straight. but we're all confused... anyway, so he was talking about one of our floormates [heber] who also seems gay. BUT we know that heber is straight because he likes girls very much. he's just dramatic, because, well, he's in theatre. anyway, so i was amused and had to keep from laughing when alex was talking about how heber should admit that he's gay and other stuff... anyway.

went out to mexican. so stupid. i still had like 5 meals for the week, but no i decide to spend $12 on a quesadilla and some rice & beans. damn peer pressure.

when we got back to the dorm, i spent 3 of my remaining meals on water and waffle fries. haha.

jay rolled some and we [jay, kassandra, patrick and i] went for a walk...

when we got back i spent another meal on vegetarian chili. we just chilled in the hall talking for a while, while the rest of the floor was drinking tequila and being all exclusive lol... in the end, we joined them once all the alcohol was gone and just hung out. we started watching this random indian movie called Dus. soooo confusing lol.

anyway, like i said before, i want to leave here. you know those times when you just don't feel like you belong somewhere? like, i haven't clicked with anyone here yet. i don't have that "connection" i've had with people back home... i just know that this isn't the place for me.

oh, and supposedly, elijah wood will be in our dorm tonight for the open mic... i'm a little doubtful, but i'm going to check it out just in case it IS really him lol.

this helps me not feel like shit all the time:


yay for daft punk and the person who made this vid.

i'm so hungry!

thanks for the comments, everyone! traveling through europe or south america sounds amaaaaazing right now. especially writing a book based on my experiences and becoming a famous author. thug life!!

so i basically slept ALL afternoon yesterday. for dinner, a bunch of us went to koreatown. i got tofu stew... it was so good. until i realized that there WAS meat [specifically, gross animals that live in the sea] in it. stupid, alia, of course there would be meat in it. but whatever, it was still tasty.

we hung out for a while before cracking open the tequila... etc etc.

but guess who called me at like 1:30?!

devin ward!

RANDOM!!! i hadn't talked to him in like 2 months.

anyway, went to bed at 2, woke up at 8 to do homework for the university project i mentioned in my last post.

and now... i may actually do more homework! wtf. fun, i know.
i need to get food first...

whirlwind of emotions

yes, that's what i've been experiencing lately.

yesterday and the day before i was seriously seriously considering dropping out. you have no idea...i've been rationalizing it in my head, and thinking of what i would do instead. roam, peace corps, etc. i love new york, but i don't love school. it would make sense for me to go somewhere else, like OSU, where my parents wouldn't be paying A LOT of money for me to just fuck around and have fun. here, i feel like i have to get into my studies, or else it's pointless for me to be at such a good school... but whatever, i'm still thinking about it. i started talking it over with my mom, and though she was trying to rationalize it as well, i'm pretty sure i'll at least be finishing my first year here. [i still want to shave my head though...]

i think part of the reason why i'm reconsidering is because i had another fun night last night haha. i really don't feel like posting all my shit on this blog, just because it'll probably seem like i'm trying to sound really cool and rebellious... lol i swear i'm not trying to

"i just have a lot of feelings" hahaha mean girls is funny... but really though, yesterday was good and bad. bad because i was all depressed about college and stuff, but good because my roomie rolled some big ass joints. floor time! what's good now is that instead of rolling with like 15-20 people, we've established a smaller, closer group of [unlame] people... anyway, so we walked around and ate massive amounts of food. insomnia cookies, falafel, yolato, candy... when we got back to the dorm, we had some skyy & pink lemonade. sometime during the night, 7 or 8 of us were on one twin bed... but in the end, it ended up being 3 people in each bed [patrick & angel's room]. i slept with heber and angel. talk about warmth. i woke up at 6 and realized that everyone else had gone to their rooms, so i decided to leave... it would have been awkward for them to wake up, and i'm the only one left, you know? lol so i left and came back to my room. but kassandra was in my bed. i was going to go ahead and climb in with her, but there was a bunch of stuff on my bed. so i just grabbed a few articles of clothing for a pillow, and laid down on the floor. hahaha. kassandra left at like 8 or 9, so i finally got to sleep in my bed then.

somehow i woke up at noon...and almost immediately after i woke up, kassandra knocked on the door because a few people were going out to lunch. so i went. without showering. yes, i still haven't showered.

so today i have to create my own school. we have a group project in writing to create a university. there are 4 of us, so we decided that each of us would start a school [insert allusion to harry potter here]. i sort of think i got shafted because i have like the "generals"... you know, like arts & sciences. so it's harder to be creative with it. but whatever. so i have to do that sometime today before we go out tonight. you know, since it's actually the weekend now.

so i'm going to go sleep now and procrastinate as much as possible.

leave me advice/suggestions about my leaving-college situation, por favor.

the banking concept of education & problem-posing. i like you, freire.

it's been hard for me to post the last few days... it's difficult to try to convince yourself that other people actually want to read your narcissistic, bullshit ramblings, you know? especially if you get only 2 comments [on average], sometimes from the same person...

so in case you're reading this, and you do care about what goes on in my life:

i'm almost sort of starting to adjust to the idea of being in school again. almost. sort of. starting to.

smoking is becoming a habit, which i suppose isn't very good.
but we all die sometime, right?
ha.

i found about them a while ago, but Crystal Castles ftw:

oh, and for the record, the shins are also great for high times.

so, whatever.

the mood swings never fail.

now, i'm just like "whatever" about the whole friend situation... i bitch and moan too much...

so yesterday i was really wanting one of the nyu care package things that are filled with yummy, heart attack-causing foods.

AND BAM!

today i received one!! i'm too geeked to be a fatty.

and thanks to my roommate, i've heard more than just "paper planes" by M.I.A.

she's pretty awesome

i must have spoken too soon.

today's a crappy day.

that's basically all there is to say.

that, and

"i have no friends here."


and now i'm even more irritated because i just realized that the first two lines rhyme.

friday,

a magical day filled with

barnes & noble
the brooklyn bridge
pizza
a lame frat party
whiskey, apple & cranberry juice, lemonade
rain
night crawling
night crawling... in the rain...
drunken speed walking and spills on the pavement
sleeping at 3, waking at 8

fuckilovethiscity.

get me a chicken sandwich!

youtube: one of the many things my floor [reppin' 9B!] does, and enjoys, as a unit.


^there's another one of these that is HILARIOUS, but i think it's private...



i just watched these again alone, and it just wasn't the same.

3 days and i'm already ready to be done with college.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

so i've spent the last week having the time of my life, enjoying the city and everything it has to offer.

and then it hit me last night:

i'm here to go to school.

this morning in class i felt so uninterested, in a way. sure, the topics we'll be discussing are interesting, but i know that i'll never commit myself to the work as much as i should.

maybe i'm just really moody because i'm stressed, sleep deprived, and dehydrated. i don't know.

all i know is that i'm feeling extremely homesick. ohiosick, really. i just don't feel like this is where i'm supposed to be anymore... i don't know what i'm doing here. wasting money, i guess?

i suppose it IS just my first day of classes, but i don't know.

i'm getting a weird feeling that i've never gotten before. i feel like it's almost worse than last week when my parents left me... or maybe i HAVE had this feeling before, but it was so utterly terrible that i erased it from memory. oh gosh.

i'm going to go listen to "nantes" on repeat...

let's all eat together in the hall, watch singin' in the rain, and then afterward have a floorgy!

so i thought it might be nice to read a real post, and not that ambiguous poetic shit i wrote lol.

this week has been like a vacation for me.

i've done so many things i never thought i'd do... my past few days, for example:

on thursday, a few of us rode the subway [what!] and got high in central park... and then we came back and later got high in washington square park...

friday, i danced my ass off on a REAL dancefloor... with random people... and random dance moves... for hours! and i shared more about myself with my floormates than i have with most of the closest people to me. weinstein 9B just rolls that way!

saturday, i [we] rode the subway [again?!] to the met and central park, had falafel, and went to a hookah bar [strawberry, mango, peach, orange, mint] mmmmm

the remainder of my time has been spent wandering the streets of manhattan
all the while getting to know and bonding with the people on my floor [floorgies ftw!]

this week has been so liberating, and so inspiring. everyone here is outrageously talented and passionate. i sometimes feel "unworthy" of being here, but then i remember that the admissions people saw something in me, so that must mean something, right? lol. either way, these people make me want to seriously study art, dance, film, or theatre...

i wonder how things will change once classes start.
i hope i still love this place.

there's really no way to describe it.

feeling completely lonely, yet completely energized
life races by and invites me, entices me
come this way
come this way
come this way and know me

growing up
never knowing
it could be this great
never knowing
fear and pain fuse so wonderfully
never knowing
that life was so much more

crowded streets, empty souls
violent stares, cold hearts
filled lungs

one more drink, she said,
one more puff.
one more friend she's found.
one more, one more
empty soul.

life is horrible, life is great.
it's all the same anyway, right?

one cacophonous roar,
one hell-driven mass.

come to me,
and feel my ice.
let me clench upon your body,
and never releash you.
but do not worry,
for though my grip can cripple your soul,
my talons are warm, soft to the touch.
and you will come back to me,
over
and over
and over again.

let's do the time warp again!

billy collins is funny, in a cool poetic way.

the lecture was better than i thought it'd be, and i liked a lot more of his poems once he read them outloud. i didn't stay after to get my book signed, though *frown* there was a looong line, and like he said himself, meeting the author is usually a disappointment, because the best you'll ever see them at is on the page. anything else after that is a letdown.

after the lecture, our floor went over to the rocky horror picture show.

so awesome. sdfjawojie;fadjk;awofi is all i can say right now.

i feel bad about not taking any photos yet... nicole wants me to make a video, but that's not really my area hahaha. we'll see what happens... someone come visit me!! i miss everyone desperately lol.

vodka, cranberry juice, and billy collins

so yesterday was A LOT better than sunday. i can't believe this is only my 3rd day in new york... i feel like i've been here for weeks already!

yesterday morning we were supposed to meet with our academic advisors to talk about the dreaded billy collins reading... but my advisor [patricio navio] isn't here, so we met with someone else. she didn't read the book, so we couldn't really discuss it. but i was glad to hear that, like me, most people didn't really enjoy the book. ugh but tonight we have to go to his lecture... which i guess it's cool to see and hear the person that actually wrote it all, but i didn't particularly like the book so it doesn't seem as great.

so after we got out of the discussion, i stopped by a market in the same building as weinstein and got a vegetarian sandwich and some naked juice.

in the afternoon was the presidential welcome and "reality show" at madison square garden... and some "special guest speaker".

we had our fingers crossed for obama hahaha... BUT we did get MICHAEL IAN BLACK!!!!!! that's right, ladies and gentlemen!!!! michael ian black from vh1's "I Love The..." show and other stuff is an NYU alum!! HE'S SO FUNNY!!!! in his speech he was like "when i first came to college, i was so HORNY!!! i was horny for LEARNING!!! ok, i was horny for sex too."

and then the reality show was amazing too. it was tisch students performing all these random, catchy songs about school info and health services... like dealing with roommates, sex, and suicide... it was so obsene and blunt, i loved it! there was a lot of use of "fuck" and "ass". MVA staff members would have cringed and blushed if they had watched! when they were talking about sex and stuff, they mimicked/reinacted common sex positions... it was so hilarious!! i REALLY wish MVA staff members could have been there...

after the show, my roommate and a girl on our hall named cassie walked back to the dorm...

last night was fun... we thought about going to one of the welcome week club parties, but we had heard it was lame... so we figured if we got drunk beforehand, it would seem decent. but in the end, we decided not to go anyway hahahaha so we [jay, cassie, some guys from rubin, and i] just wandered around the city smoking and sobering up. THEN like complete asses, the guys left us to try to get some! um, HELLO?! but whatever lol...

we came back to weinstein to see an interesting crowd on our stoop... lots of gays lol. this one from Columbia in orange skinny jeans came up and asked me where i had gotten my pants. i was wearing my new red skinnies... haha he like took down the name of the shop and shit lol. we met some more "fabulous" people before going inside and hanging out with some people on our floor...

ok this is a long ass post...
i have to go to the billy collins lecture in a little while, and then i'm not sure what i'm doing after that. our RA mentioned this latin dancing thing tonight, but i don't know if we'll get out of the lecture in time... but i suppose we could always look for the place.

but yes, new york is great and is quickly becoming my home =)

but FUCK i still need to get like 20 books for my classes. crazy, right?!

oh, and thanks for the love! you all make me happy =)

I'M HERE!!!!

yes, new york is my new home.

yesterday, move-in etc, seemed like the LONGEST day possible. my roommate [jay] and i both got here in the morning, so we spent the afternoon either lounging in our room talking about how gross it was or walking the streets of soho and the adjacent area.

more than once i got teary...
throughout the day i called nicole and ashley, and texted a few people... it's just weird being alone is such a large city.

i think i'm going to start doing what i did near the end of summer - just leave randomly and go venture by myself. i need to not be so afraid of being alone, and maybe then i can be more open to meeting people.

lol last night in our hall meeting, my ice breaker question was "what are you most nervous about?" and like a lame i said "meeting new people" haha some people laughed and someone said "i could help you with that!" so ya, i'll have to get on that...

orientation starts today... so hopefully that goes well =)

leave me lots of love! i'm in desperate need of it right now *frown*

hellogoodbye.

the last few days i've been getting all emotional and shit... i keep thinking, "i'm not going to be back here until december" or "i won't see [so and so] again for [however many] months..." or the always popular, "i'm going to be in new york... alone."

so yeah.

i meant to take photos of the new leggings & shorts i got the other day... but no such luck. photography is completely leaving me *tear*
i'm hoping i get more inspiration in new york. GAH I LEAVE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

for kayla:

yelle's "ce jeu"

and i finally found the name of the orchestra song that's in that one old diamond commercial... from like 4 years ago lol. i haven't been searching since then, but i remembered it yesterday from a line in one of the poems in Sailing Alone... it's called "palladio" composed by karl jenkins. am i the only one who didn't know the name of it?! lol i'll feel stupid if i am...


i'm afraid i have to say goodbye to ohio today and tomorrow morning... i keep playing the beatles song in my head... "you say goodbye and i say hello"...

ok, i'll be honest.
i'm completely afraid.

haha prepare for my next post, probably me freaking out sunday afternoon once my parents are gone.

i'm just waiting for the excitement and anticipation to fully set in.

bye, loves.

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