About Me

My photo
"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Sunday, November 30, 2008

midnight mayhem! and any other mayhem, for that matter...

so my thanksgiving break was pretty good, how was yours?

so i awoke in the wee hours on thursday to make flight to chicago. haha i got to the terminal with two hours to spare... anyway, my parents picked me up at o'hare and we drove to uchicago [tomi lives in burtson-judson courts]

OMG!! attention harry potter lovers! tomi's dorm looks like HOGWARTS!! it's so awesome, it's this old gothic building, with a courtyard in the middle. if you've been to princeton, it sort of looks like that [if you haven't, there's a shot of it in Across the Universe]. hahaha it was awesome, i so want to live there. i meant to snap some awesomely awesome [i don't think i've used that word enough in this paragrap!] shots, but i never really found the time. they even have "houses"... haha i'm so buying that place one day...

anyway, we arrived and had a homestyle thanksgiving dinner. it was cute; everyone left in the dorm and the deans all sat down at this long dining table. there were about 30 of us in total. the food was all homemade, some of it made by my lovely tomi *coughishouldnthaveeatenthatpumpkinpiecough*. and it was cool that the adults made sure EVERYONE had their share of wine =)

before, during, and after the meal i got to know tomi's friends better. i'm not going to lie, based on things i had heard before and my first impressions, i thought everyone would be pretty nerdy. it turns out that they were fun to hang out with. and one girl i met is from the bronx, which made me happy [even if she did say that she makes fun of NYU students. what matters is that she said at least i was cool haha]

chilled for a bit before leaving later that night to go shopping in aurora [MIDNIGHT MAYHEM!]... trains, taxis, coffee, photos, argyle, lines... got back to BJ at around 8... woke up at around 2... ate leftover thanksgiving food ha
friday night we just ordered in and watched rocky horror picture show.

saturday some of us went to wicker park, which is the "hip" part of the city. you know, thrift stores, cafes, etc. anyway, it reminded me of new york a bit. we ate at earwax cafe - i got tofu scramble. YUM. and their chai was pretty darn tasty. we shopped around afterward. i got boots for $15... and they're exactly what i've been wanting! simple and black.
that night we ordered in again and watched saw.

and this morning i woke up bright and early to have the worst morning ever. haha. tomi was still asleep when i was getting ready to leave. but she got up and called safe ride, since it wasn't "safe" to walk to the green line alone. so the shuttle came and picked me up to take me to the green line BUT the green line was closed. by that time, the guy had already driven off. i called tomi again, and she called them again. so he came back and picked me up. and then we had to figure out how i would get to the airport. ugh. went back to BJ, talked to tomi and the lady working at the front desk, figured things out. so the shuttle guy took me to 55th street to get the bus that would take me to the red line, after which i would transfer to the orange or blue lines. by this time, i think the guy was getting a little annoyed, but he was still polite and had been REALLY friendly in the beginning. i probably should have given him a tip, but didn't think about it until afterward *frown*. to make things worse, i looked and sounded like an idiot when i got on the bus. "wait, do i have to pay? how much?" duh, alia, it's public transportation. just like the subway, train and bus rides you've taken before. so once i got to the red line, i again felt like an idiot because the machine wouldn't take my money. finally i had to ask the lady working. and then i felt even dumber when she used a different machine and the money was taken perfectly fine. ha. then, because i just kept losing my senses, i couldn't insert my card in the right way at the turnstile. the lady AND some random guy had to help me. *sigh* finally i got on the train, transferred to the blue, and was on my way to o'hare. it took forever, by the way. i was SURE i was going to miss my flight lol. at o'hare, i checked the general sign to see what terminal united flights left out of. i only saw 2, so i went to that one. when i got to terminal 2, i found a departure/arrival screen and checked my flight. it was leaving out of gate b14. B14! that meant i was at the entirely wrong terminal! soo i had to take the airport shuttle thing to get to terminal 1 [b & c concourses]. by that time, my flight was supposed to board in less than 20 minutes. and i hadn't even gone through security yet. so after getting confused, i found the RIGHT security line and went through. they freaking made me take off my hat; they NEVER make me take off my hat [ok, maybe i've never flown with my hat on... lol]. sooo i was rushing to my gate after security [dropped my boarding pass]. but once i got to my gate, i found that the plane had JUST arrived, and the passengers hadn't even gotten off yet. so i got to rest a few minutes while people got off and the plane was cleaned etc. and then i boarded and was content for two hours. but once i got to laguardia, i remembered that i needed to get back to the subway station [or else pay a larger amount for a taxi] to catch the 7 into manhattan. sooo once i found where the bus was, i realized that i didn't have exactly $2. like an idiot, i put my $1 change in the thing, and then asked the driver, "can i just give you a dollar bill? i don't have anymore change." he just looked at me and was like "are you sure you don't more?" so i sat there and searched... i found 50 cents, so i put that in. i kept looking and found a nickel. lol so i put that in. the guy didn't seem to be paying me any more attention, so i just gave it up and sat down heh. soo on the bus ride to the subway, i realized it was raining more and more. finally got on the 7 and was relaxed a bit. UNTIL some announcer was saying stuff about the N [the train i was going to take once in manhattan] and totally freaked me out. however, no one else seemed to be freaked out about it, so i just didn't worry about it. once at times square i transferred to the N. ha unfortunately it was an express train, not local, so it wouldn't stop at the stop closest to me. so instead, i had to walk 6 blocks in the rain. so i finally got back to the dorm and you'd THINK that'd be the end of my stupidity for the day. BUT NO! i got to my room, and tried opening the door, and it just didn't work. i was like wtf? so i figured jay had locked the door, which would make sense if she was gone for the weekend. so i searched in my bag to see if i had my key on me, but i didn't. so i went down to the front desk to borrow a key, but they had already left for the day [even though someone had JUST been there 10 minutes ago!] so as i came back to my room i was very disheartened. i found a few old metrocards and tried to unlock my door with them. fail. as i was putting them back in my bag, jay comes to the door! WTF?!?! yep, she had been in there asleep the entire time! and then she was like "ya, the door wasn't even locked." w.t.f. so yeah. that's my travel story from hell. never let all of this happen to you in 6 or 7 hours.

um so that was a really long and really bitter rant about/recount of my morning.

when i got in my room, i knocked out for a good 3 hours.
i'm glad to see everyone again! ok, maybe not everyone...
all i've done tonight is watch desperate housewives and twilight.
so goodnight because this post is extremely long.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


flying out in the AM! getting to the airport will be a pain in the arse, but at least i get to see my parents tomorrow and spend the weekend with tomi

have a great weekend, everyone!!!

i wanted to post a great video or photo relating to thanksgiving. yep, i searched youtube and google to no avail.


i remembered macy's thanksgiving day parade!

almost sad i won't be here for it. but judging how halloween and election night turned out, i don't think i'd want to handle the huge crowds.

and finally,
eat lots of stuffing, mashed potatoes, tofurkey, and pumpkin pie!

Monday, November 24, 2008

i woke up early today, don't have classes tomorrow, and want to see aurelia's oratorio again.

aurelia's oratorio was so good. i thoroughly enjoyed it.

yesterday i used skype for the first time. ha.

thanksgiving's this week! i leave for chicago on thursday... i'm so excited to see tomi =)



Saturday, November 22, 2008

movies are awesome

nothing new, but oh. my. gosh.

there are some movies that i've watched recently that are just so good:

finding neverland - johnny depp and that cute little boy from charlie & the chocolate factory. what more can i say? oh, and i cried through most of it ha.
a clockwork orange - reminded me that i never actually finished [or began] the book. i need to get on that.
wuthering heights - the 1939 version of one of my all-time favorite books
and of course, amélie will never cease to be adorably cute. not to mention it has one of the best soundtracks i've ever heard.
the duchess was alright. better than i thought it would be. but that assumption had mainly been based on the opinions of the pretentious, artsy, film people here. they don't like anything anyway. the movie was compelling, and quite sad. if i had been in a worse mood when i watched it, i probably would have cried lol.

anywayyyy i'm going to go watch some more of wuthering heights before i go to aurelia's oratorio at 2

Friday, November 21, 2008

i just sobbed while watching ugly betty.

*EDIT: [7pm] OMG i just watched finding neverland. i don't know if it's because i'm in such a terrible mood right now or what, but that is the saddes movie! i literally was crying through most of it... ya, now that i think about it, it's probably just me. but still. you should all watch it.*

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

sunday smile

um, i just remembered that it's TUESDAY. not the weekend anymore...

uh, so i'm totally a bum for not updating since thurs night/fri morning.

didn't even leave the dorm on friday. i watched penelope though! i love james mcavoy. mmmmmm. later, we made codes names and watched flashdance. haha

on saturday, i took the subway to macy's. biggest one in the world. which means it was the most annoying to navigate through lol. and waaaay too many people. anyway, i didn't get anything and i just came back and hung out in the dorm. we ordered insomnia, listened to nsync, and watched atonement =)

sunday i tried to go out and get coffee and nearly froze from the wind. umm what else happened that day? oOo ya. anyway... i love my friends =)

woke up late and missed a class today LOL i hate my ME culture class anyway... ha

i've been listening to this song a lot lately. what can i say? beirut is so addicting:

Friday, November 14, 2008

i watched doug today. i miss the good ole days.

janice being awesome:
[aka she made this for class]

what i've been doing this week [in addition to writing papers...] :

um, yeah. i swear that's not all i've accomplished. i also spent hours reminiscing about high school and home and friends and good times and being young etc etc etc. i've also royally fucked up my sleeping pattern... but i suppose it wasn't too great anyway.

is it terrible that i can't remember how i spend my days anymore?

i'm tired. and i can't wait until christmas break and summer break.

Monday, November 10, 2008

my 100th post!!!!

bust. one.

sooo getting another A on my writing essay has put me in a good mood.

and last night i talked to caitlin. cried, laughed, it was all good.


Saturday, November 8, 2008


so i'm completely losing it [AGAIN!] and i've been looking through my old journals...

12/6/06: if only life were easier. if only love was simpler. if only people were easier to understand... if only our minds weren't focused on ourselves. if only we knew that we are always on someone else's mind. if only we could hear the voice calling in the fog, the answer to our hopes... if only we could hear that the same voice could be our death, the consequence of our selfishness.

2/13/07: whenever i look into your eyes, time stops. the world doesn't spin. and those other voices don't matter - they're lost in the cacophony of life. but you, your soul, can be heard above...

"live like you're dying" is so cliche. hello, we're all always dying. so just live.

3/11/07: i've closed myself off from everything and everyone that i can't do anything properly. today, i had problems eating. in total, i only left my room for about an hour. i don't feel like i can even talk to my friends anymore. i'm torturing myself in a very unwholesome way. i feel like my psyche is destructing by the second. i'm depressed and i can't totally figure out why. school is terrible. all my relationships are failing - i'm pushing people away. yet all i want is love and happiness - to be loved and to love someone in a totally perfect way. i think the possibility, or realization, that that won't happen is why i'm in such a bad mood. i feel inferior to everyone. i feel unwanted and unnecessary. i almost feel like a kid again, not being able to completely think for myself. i'm avoiding people, and places that have a lot of people. my paranoia's getting worse and worse...

time is rushing onward, but i'm stuck in this one spot. my heart and my mind are deceiving me. i don't know what or who to trust. i don't understand anything anymore. why am i such a failure?

4/11/07: i don't even feel fit to be around other people. something is seriously wrong with me. i don't seem to be able to love properly. i've been by myself for too long, grown too selfish. i feel like i'm failing at what God intended us to do.

i try, and always fall short
i look, and see an empty room
my hearts longs for your touch
waiting, waiting for the time
when my walls will break down
alone, trapped in my selfishness
longing to love and be loved
looking to the cross, my only hope
save me, before i lose sanity
before my soul falls to pieces
before i forget the promise you made

who can i turn to?
my mouth becomes like a sealed envelope
tears stream from my eyes as my soul dies
words left unspoken, mind forever troubled
forever plagued by the things i cannot realize

will you let me weep, and carry this burden?
will my life mean nothing in the end?
the tracks i will leave may forever curse the path of those who tried to love me
when i had nothing else, i could claim your love
if only, if only i could delve into the depths of my soul
and find where the poison of self began

i try, but that doesn't seem enough

the voices tells me i'll never -
be like you
i'll never -
be loved the same
it tells me i can't love,
i can't be happy
but i try
i try with my everything
and i hope,
that someday it will change

i'm sorry for my silent presence,
my meaningless words...

8/28/07: i'm totally losing my sense of self, my personality, my happiness. i've basically given up on life... my thoughts don't matter. my words don't matter. my actions don't matter. nothing i do in life matters.
i know i'm messed up. shay just died. she's yound and i don't think she should have gone. how can i watch her lose her life and not appreciate mine? why do i long to leave this world, yet she went without a choice?

4/13/08: each day i'm feeling older and older. seeing all these kids on our campus [academy days and music fest] reminds me of the times when i visited here, thinking i was so cool... i can't believe i've been here for 4 years. what's even worse is that i can't believe that i won't be coming back here next fall.
a lot of high school seemed to pass in a blur. the things i once thought were important, really didn't even matter that much. as it's drawing to a close, i still don't think a lot of things matter.

4/21/08: i wish someone would say the things about me that need to be said.

5/26/08: i'm sort of bummed that i'm graduating when i've finally started enjoying high school. there's no way i'm ready to graduate. i'm still a kid.

i need to know i'm not alone.
i need to know that there's someone, anyone, out there...

Friday, November 7, 2008

it's only 11 on a friday night and i'm thinking about going to sleep?!

yes, i'm officially a failure. ha.

so i suppose this week has been good overall. whatever. nothing exciting since obama winning.

today my writing class went to the museum of modern art to get inspiration for our next essay. afterward, i went with a few friends to magnolia bakery... i got two cupcakes and a completely lame hot chocolate. they should just stick to cupcakes. so that put me in a less-happy mood. THEN i awkwardly ate dinner with a friend and her friends, none of which i talked to. and then i came back to the floor and saw no one. eventually i wandered into someone's room and watched the end of the ring. meanwhile, some people on my floor [who i thought i was going to drink with!] were getting drunk...

and i have a headache.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

i am so happy right now!!!


at the moment i'm sooo proud to say i'm an American [what?! i know. crazy!]
and i feel like i'm actually a part of this country now, i actually had a voice. new york city is the greatest place to be right now!

i don't care what anyone says. this is history.

Monday, November 3, 2008

what i did yesterday

location: queens [5 pointz and PS 1]

some of us took a detour on the way home [aka going to shake shack at madison square park. best [veggie for me!] burgers, fries, and shakes ever!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

omg it's november!

¡es el dia de los muertos!

I haven't updated since tuesday and zero comments?? hataaaaaas!!!

so tues was good (hookah!) until I threw up from upstein's suspicious vegetarian chili

thursday we had trick or treat-ers! local kids & their parents came to our dorm and we handed out candy. we also decoraed our floor for the contest. the best decorated floor would get a Magnolia Cupcake party...aaaaand of course 9B won!! so yes, i'm excited.

friday was halloween. which = absolute chaos in new york. so much fun though. I was a tree/mother earth/woodland elf. costumes costumes costumes! and gen was the best joker EVER

today I lazed around etc etc.

so I decided that what I mainly don't like about college is how "partying" is so emphasized. it's like people feel obligated to get drunk. like, to be cool, to be "anyone" you have to get trashed every weekend or you have to stay out until 3 every night. whatevsssssss! I know I'M cool/theawesomestpersonever and that's all that matters.

so I feel like a deadbeat college student because the people i'm hanging out with right now are doing homework...and i'm sitting here reading anna karenina and writing this/texting... again, WHATEVSSSSSS.