Monday, June 30, 2008
i don't really even know where to begin.
guess i wont =)
this video is so cute. i stumbled upon it [someone posted it in a thread on flickr] haha. i absolutely love it. it made my day a lot better.
saw She-Bears and Southeast Engine saturday night in athens with nicole. awweeeeeeeeeesome. and i got Donkey =)
because it wasn't obvious enough that we were underage:
nicole dubbed it "the mark of the beast" lmao
yesterday, i shopped around with kylie. at half-priced books i got Pocahontas and Snow White and The Seven Dwarves on VHS! for a dollar each!! talk about finding treasure! i'm beyond geeked.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
now i'm watching pretty in pink.
i've decided that jake ryan [sixteen candles] is sooooooo much better than blane.
just gaze upon the "awesomeness"
i love watching 80s movies... and thinking about what it would have been like to live in the 80s.
the clothing, the music...
i love the 80s.
i'm so bringing the 80s back.
and now i'll leave you with a quote:
"hey, you want beauty? look in the mirror."
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
doctors appt. at 10. shots! yay for me.
i spent an hour of my afternoon in a college prep workshop. it was actually pretty good. the guy talking to us is an amazing poet and he read us some of his poems.
afterward, tomi and i decided to go to easton...
what a fun afternoon. first ate at california pizza kitchen. [tomi didnt get meat! WHOOO!] then we walked around, and it started to storm! we made a mad dash for the main building, but were soaked in a matter of seconds lmao.
i got a scarf from wet seal =) i put it on right after i purchased it, and we couldnt help laughing at how much it clashed with my fedora.
we stopped by cheryl & co. and ate a peanut butter cup brownie thing while scoping out people to stalk. we found some good ones =)
oh and that photo of that girl's butt! hahahahaha... tomi and i noticed it because when she walked, her butt didnt quite STAY in her shorts. tomi dared me to take a photo and post it.
aaaaaaaaanyway, we stalked a lot of random people. there were these two guys that we kept running into - we werent even trying to follow them! and then there was this hispanic guy that gave us a "lingering look". haha. and not to mention this hoooootttttt guy we were about to follow RIGHT when we had to leave.
another funny moment... all of you who've been to easton know that bose store or whatever, right in the middle, by the movie ticket office? the place where they're always showing movie clips and stuff? well we heard a fun song playing, so of course we went in to dance! we talked to one of the guys working there for a little while, and he let us choose what to play next. beatles! =) i pretended i was a hippie at one of those livestock concerts haha... i lifted my hands in the air and swayed carelessly while i sang along to "i feel fine"... good times.
on the ride home we saw a rainbow =)
i blame the mountain dew and tea!
i really don't have anything great to say right now, so i'm going to leave you with a video... done by one of my favorite people =) and starring one of my favorite people =)
oh and whats up with miley cyrus? why is she singing about relationships??? she's like fuckin 12!
and WHY do they insist on playing "bleeding love" every 3 seconds?! it's not even that great, and it's soooooooooo annoying!
hm, i guess i'm a little irritated that i can't fall asleep.
i have to wake up 8 *ho hum*
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Rules: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they’re listening to.
1. oxford comma by vampire weekend - just watched this video yesterday on FN MTV. love it.
2. the call by regina spektor - first heard this in prince caspian. the second i heard her voice i knew it was regina. great song & movie.
3. loose lips by kimya dawson - she is one of my favorite artists. this is just another song i love by her. first heard in juno =)
4. gobbledigook by sigur ros - i dont remember how i stumbled upon this, but i absolutely love it. it reminds me of open air, clouds, and dancing/jumping for no real reason except summer itself.
5. lex by ratatat - every song i've heard by ratatat makes me dance, or at least strike fierce poses in the mirror. loving, loving, loving it.
6. the astronaut by hands for bad habits - such a great song. i found them through one of my flickr contact's photostream. beautiful and soothing vocals.
7. lollipop by lil' wayne - hahahahaha i LOVE this song!
tag yourselves, mofos!
Monday, June 23, 2008
not my most successful endeavor.
my new bag:
and no worries. there was something on the mirror, NOT on my bag.
today seemed like an utter waste of a day... i woke up at who knows what time.
oooh but i DID watch FN MTV. lmao. i actually sort of liked it, because i saw vampire weekend's new video. and pete wentz is the host, so thats a plus. haha.
then at around 1? i decided to call it a day and go back to bed.
yep, stayed in bed until about 5.
then i showered, and went to the kitchen to see what i could "create".
my mom had made brussel sprouts... i sensed they needed some pizzazz, so i tried frying them. best and worst idea of the day.
i'm going to go watch movies =)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
i guess i'll have to do that now.
i'm not even going to talk about friday, because it was a Blah Day.
went over to worthington for their arts festival... sooo much great stuff. however, one of my favorites was this:
"Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living things." -Albert Einstein [ya, he's a G]
done in pencil, on handmade paper. AMAZING!
we stayed at the festival for a few hours, then decided to go downtown [westerville] which i guess would be "uptown" now haha.
anyway. our day would not have been complete without schneider's bakery...
i didnt forget this time =)
next my mom and i headed to DSW at polaris. i got two pairs of black heels... maybe i'll post photos of them later...
grabbed some food:
chilled at home for a little while before going to leigha's grad party with tomi. there were banana nut muffins, fresh fruit, and pancakes! twas great.
tomi spent the night. we watched knocked up. i seriously hadnt laughed that hard in the LONGEST time. hilarious movie!
slept in the guest room... MOST COMFORTABLE BED EVER!!!! i'll be sleeping in there for the rest of the summer, no joke. it was lovely.
woke up at nine thirty this morning. WTF. we had gone to bed at 2:30 at the earliest... so i couldnt fathom why we would EVER wake up that early. but whatever.
mom took us to waffle house for brekkie/lunch. SLAPS! haha
along with my coffee i had a grilled cheese sandwich [with tomi's tomatoes] and hashbrowns.
next time i'm getting chocolate chip waffles.
after that, we went over to easton. tomi and i looked around before seeing the love guru. funny. and then... we came back to westerville and went "cheap" shopping haha. i found a bag in a second-hand store. its sweet. meant to take a photo of that too. then we searched for my mom in the dollar store. once we found her, we trekked back home...
anyway. i've realized that i didnt take a photo of anything really important in the last few days. hahaha. except for that drawing at the festival...
a couple hours ago, i got the sudden urge to watch the wonder years [you know, that old tv show with ben? savage]... and the old star wars movies, you know, the GOOD ones. haha no i like the new ones too. i also want to watch the old hairspray movie. somehow, i've watched the new one like 3 times in the last two weeks.
oh i almost forgot! my new [ANCIENT] car! it was my brother's. isnt it lovely [a piece of shit]?! one of the back windows doesnt roll up all the way[which sucked when it rained yesterday], and i have to use two different keys to lock and unlock the doors!
i'm so excited to drive this around town!! when my mom drove this home, i literally heard it coming down the street... this is going to be fuuuuuuun! =)
1474: Never miss a chance to shake hands with Santa.
song of the moment: shut up and let me go by the ting tings [they're the shizzzz]
Thursday, June 19, 2008
this is me at 4-something saying, "i dont wanna sleep!"
it was actully nice... seeing the pre-sunrise light, which i think is absolutely wonderful. i wish i could see it more often, but alas, i love sleep. i really did think of waiting to watch the sun rise, but my heart just wasnt in it...
woke up around 10. my first thought was "COFFEE". however, that didn't quite happen.
BUT i stopped by Heavenly Cup today and got a spendid acai, pomegranate, and blueberry smoothie. it was amazing.
crazy thing: i turned on MTV today, and saw a music video. WHAT??!! i know, CRAZY!! its been soooo long!!! maybe they'll start to actually play music again...? doubtful huh?
so while driving around today, i was thinking... because i had to run errands, and i felt all grown-up and responsible. i thought of how these last few weeks i've been freaking out because it seems like suddenly i have all these choices to make. i'm starting to realize now that my entire life i've been making choices. it's not something new to me, or anyone. we make choices constantly. now, it's just different choices i have to make. i have different responsibilities. everything is just different, not more necessarily. it's not the number of decisions, but the way those decisions are made.
#1217: Occasionally leave a quarter in the change return slot of a pay phone. Somebody always checks.
#1218: When in doubt, smile.
i was lucky to get two great ones in a row =)
song of the moment:
"seventeen years" by ratatat [turn it up loud and DANCE!] "lex" and "mirando" are also great
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
interview? got a job/internship.
financial aid consultation? about to get some scholarships.
vegetarian cook book? made some stuffed shells. [though they werent so great] but i chopped all the herrrrrrbs myself =)
got some more grad. money in the mail
haha i think my dad thinks i'm smoking... random thought. [i burned a candle out a little while ago... and he just came to my room asking if anything was burning. i told him that i burned out a candle, but he didnt sound convinced. HA.]
anyway... pictures from today:
haha i dont know wtf i was doing sticking my head in a pot...
OMG THIS IS SO WEIRD!!! while i was waiting for my photos to upload, i decided to pick a random number  to find a random quote from my Instruction Book [refer to last post]. well i opened the book and BAM!
#873: Own a set of good kitchen knives.
HAHAHAHAHAHA totally unplanned, i kid you not.
song of the moment:
the astronaut by hands for bad habits [found them through one of my flickr contacts tonythetiger]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
whenever i read my last post, i laugh... and laugh. haha my absurd mind.
my summer isn't looking too fun anymore. actually having things to do? ew.
but good thing i've learned that when life gives you lemons,
make an egg & black bean concoction! i added some salsa and it was REALLY good. don't knock it till you try it.
i got Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. as a grad gift. a long list of suggestions on how to have a happy life. best thing ever. for example,
#550: "Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something."
another good one:
#524: "Rake a big pile of leaves every fall and jump in it with someone you love."
=) thanks ms. nelson
my songs of the moment:
"gobbledigook" by sigur ros
"no estaba acostumbrado" by don tetto [a latino punk band hahaha. free on itunes!]
Monday, June 16, 2008
so my weekend was spent with family and family friends in north carolina.
i was sad to say that the closest people in age to me were about 4 and 5... oh and their mother, who's like 25.
saturday we woke up and went to my aunt's mcdonald's. then we drove around and around visiting people i didn't know or remember. there was a death in someone's family, so that sort of put a downer on the day. for lunch/supper, my parents and i went to a seafood restaurant. GAG!!!! the only vegetarian thing on the menu was fettuccini alfredo, so i got that. oh, and fried okra =)
sunday we took my grandfather to breakfast for father's day. IHOP!!!!!!!!!! that will be my best breakfast all summer. key words: chocolate chip pancakes. after breakfast, we went to the church where one of my dad's friends is the pastor. then we visited my aunt and her kids [the people who are about the same age as me... relatively. 4, 5, 25. close enough?]
and then we had to go to the wake for the woman that had died. see, this is the sad part AND the good part. i'll skip straight to the good part because i don't like lingering around death. the woman had a few daughters... and a son. now, i hadn't met him or anything. i had only heard about him the day before because one of the sisters was telling us about his reaction to it all. see, their mother was found dead in her bed. well, i guess when he found out and went to see her, he actually climbed in bed with her, and tried talking to her. he really loved his mama. see, isn't that cute? the fact that he cared about her so much... but anyway. i heard that about him, and it just sounded so cute. and then at the wake, i saw him. he has long dreadlocks and dark skin. he walked in with sunglasses on [and walking hand in hand with some woman but anyway]... and alright, i know surrounded by all these mourners and such, i shouldn't have had the thoughts i was having AT ALL. it wasn't anything bad... and it wasn't creepy either. because i noticed that he was a little further up on the age spectrum... not quite my parents' age but certainly not in his 20s... ANYWAY. i don't know how to describe it. something drew me to him... while we were sitting there in the pew for who knows how long, i found myself constantly looking over at him.
ok before this starts to sound too creepy let me wrap this up lol... the entire family was sitting in the front row, and so my parents decided we were going to go around and greet everyone. so i hugged the sisters and tried to fight back tears even though i didn't know their mother. i shook a man's hand; i don't even remember what his name was. anyway, the son was at the end, and he smiled at me as i shook his hand, even though i could tell he was silently crying. being that close to the family made me a little teary, so i smiled back and tried to mumble something. i'm not sure how he interpreted it, but he said "you're trying?" and i [maybe] nodded and he said, "i'm trying." and because it would have seemed awkward to hug him, i just smiled and squeezed his arm. and he said "thank you." and he sounded like he really meant it. and that was it. it seemed like that simple touch held so much meaning, it spoke for me when i had no words. as fast as my feelings for him had arisen, they began to die away just as quickly as i walked out of the church.
i realized that it was so outlandish for me to be attracted to him. i mean, his mother just died. he's a grown man, who lives in north carolina, who i'll probably never see again. standing close to him, i realized he was a lot older than i had thought.
i thought about it all on the way home, and it made me laugh sort of.
i just don't understand myself sometimes. haha.
oh, and apparently he was 48.
the moral of the story: think of this whole scenario in a book or a movie. we all know that this could be the beginning of a very untraditional situation/relationship in a romantic comedy. "the one weekend that changed her life." or "who knew that this could come out of his mother's death?" hahaha. on the ride home, i was reminded of how i seem to constantly look at my life as if it were a movie. complete with soundtrack, i kid you not. i really do wish life was that simple, and that easy... and at least in the movies the ones that ARE difficult somehow end happily.
i realized that even though i didn't actually like him, i liked the idea of making a story out of the situation. in a theatrical way, it would be really amusing to chronicle how a recent high school graduate falls in love with a middle-aged, dreadlocked man who just lost his mother. now that it's written down, it's not as interesting to me. but you get the idea. the idea is that every day i stumble upon new ideas, new stories, new ways to look at life.
the stories keep calling me.
what am i majoring in again??? hahaha...
spent the weekend in north carolina, for father's day... visiting my grandparents and other family.
i've had fried okra twice in the past week. getting back in touch with my southern roots?
i have a lot i want to share,
but i dont have enough time right now...
interview [WHAT?] in less than 2 hours...
and i just woke up. ha.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
my life has lost its meaning.
i'm not accomplishing anything,
i'm not really doing anything at all.
i feel so trapped where i'm at. here in ohio, in this city, in this house, with my parents.
i feel trapped in myself.
it's hard to figure out what to do,
when i can't even figure out what i WANT.
i miss the time when summer meant happiness and no stress. if only i could go back to two summers ago... when i spent most of my time at someone else's house, some at a soccer field, and some just wandering around trying not to get in trouble.
i feel as though i've been swimming at the beach... and somehow i got too far out, and suddenly, i find myself out at sea. all by myself. i look everywhere, and just see more water. and i'm crying out, "someone save me!" but there's no answer. it's all pointless.
i don't know what's going on inside my head. i don't even know where all these words came from. i don't even know why i'm so worried, why i feel so troubled.
thinking now... i've realized that part of the problem is looking for "someone" to save me. i can't depend on others to always be there, to watch my every move and make sure i don't get hurt.
maybe i've just been feeling really hurt lately? the people i DID count on don't seem to be there for me anymore.
i don't know... i think i'm thinking too much.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
believe me, i wouldn't have gone if i didn't have a good reason. it was Graduates Day.
so as we pulled into the parking lot, and opened the front door of the church, i tried to collect myself, prepare myself for what was ahead of me. it might sound like i'm over-dramatizing this, but i'm really not. as i walked through the church, all these memories and emotions flooded through me. i had grown up in this church; it had been my home. i thought of how i walked away from all of this, from all the people. as people hugged me and said "i'm so glad to see you! it's been so long!" i couldn't help but feel as if i deserted everyone. in a way, i did. standing in the back, waiting for the service to start, i had the urge to cry. i looked around at everyone, and so much had changed. i had missed so much.
as i sat through the service, i found myself wishing that there weren't barriers between me and them. different beliefs, different lifestyles... yet at a time, i had been so happy. sitting in that sanctuary, i felt alright. i would even say that i enjoyed it more than most Adventist services. and then i thought, of course i would like this, i grew up here. these people were my family.
after church was over, more people greeted me. a few old friends came and said hi. i was sad to realize that i had forgotten most of their names. everyone, in fact, was just a familiar face.
i hadn't eaten breakfast, so i was super hungry. my mom and i stopped at a place near the church... i got fried okra. how Black. lol.
my afternoon was spent driving around to different places... the library, big lots, chipotle.
yesterday [monday] i was woken up by a call from jess. for future reference, 11:45 is too early to call! haha i'm such a bum. anyway, luckily she woke me up and later came and got me to venture to easton. soogie and her brother met us there... new dress from forever 21:
ya i don't like the photo... but i love the dress!
so i came home tired after a few good hours of walking. and the blazing heat! but whatever. another book came para mi. A Clockwork Orange. looking forward to reading that.
i spent the rest of my night waiting for the end of Casanova to load. it was sooo worth it though lol.
sometime in the 11th hour [hehe] i started to feel a pang of hunger. of course, it's almost midnight so i really didn't need to eat. i could have easily just gone to bed.
so at exactly midnight, i found myself waiting for the pasta to finish cooking. yes, i made spaghetti and watched Will & Grace while the rest of the house slept. when 1 arrived, i figured i should leave the kitchen before i ate more and gave myself a serious stomachache.
sooooooooo... i just woke up not too long ago, and i actually sort of have an agenda for today. sort of. it consists of laundry and thank-you notes.
i rented juno last week... and watched every inch of the dvd, including special features. here's a deleted scene that made my MONTH! nicole conn, this is for you:
Saturday, June 7, 2008
my dad has found me something to do for the summer! i'm going to be doing this intern-type program, and i'll be interviewed for an actual internship. wooo! so hopefully that works out well...
after that, i went out to lunch with my parents at this chinese restaurant near our house. i got pad thai =)
although we were supposed to go to the columbus arts festival today, my mom and i changed our minds and decided to spent some quality time in downtown westerville. aka ANTIQUE SHOPS!
we, of course, had to stop first at schneider's bakery and get my favorite cookie in the ENTIRE WORLD!!! here's a picture:
um. that's just what's left of it... it wasn't until i was half way through it that i thought it might be nice to have a photo lol. no worries, i didn't come like that.
following that, we went into a few antique shops. i was geeeeeeeeeked to find another fedora!!! whooo photo!!
and you know, intense browsing through ancient stuff causes one to become thirsty. sooooooo we stopped in this little coffee shop i had NEVER been to. tragedy, i know. but i got an iced vanilla spice latte. HEAVEN! no seriously, the place is called Heavenly Cup of Espresso.
so that was exciting.
a day would not be complete without wal-mart either.
we stopped at home for a pit-stop... and then we were off again!
this time: polaris.
fun. fun. fun.
some key words: bamboo, TOMS, dresses.
sooooo that basically covers our adventure.
hopefully tomorrow we make it over to the arts festivallllllll!
and to end:
oh almost forgot... sometime during our day, we stopped at kroger. my mom bought kenny g. tickets for this wednesday lol
i almost forgot something else!!!! so, thanks to mrs. soper, i am now using paperbackswap, and one of the books i ordered arrived today! the hundred dresses by eleanor estes.
ya it's throwback, but one of the best "children" stories i've read!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
and it makes me want to scream.
these past two weeks i have felt so clueless and lost. i never thought that graduation would have that effect on me. i feel as if all this responsibility has been thrown on me, although no one has directly stated it.
i just want to be a kid again. you know, the good ole days when we played outside all day, and our parents wouldn't see us until dark, when our friends' parents called them back inside. or walking to the nearby pool and spending hours playing water games that came directly from our imaginations. or even just a few summers ago, spending all day just walking around the neighborhood, sneaking into people's yards, searching for "hidden treasures", hiding the nearly-empty wine bottles.
there were so many bad times in my childhood and teen years, i never thought i'd want to go back. but now, i wish it would last forever. i look back and can't help but remember all the good times i had, times spent laughing and really learning about what life is about. i still have a couple years left to be a teenager, but they seem daunting from where i'm standing. i've never really been normal or conventional, and it just seems like the world is demanding that i conform in some way or another... i just don't feel like it. i am developing into a person that questions the reason behind everything, and i just can't find reason enough to do the things i'm "supposed" to do.
and i know that that thinking can lead to trouble. but what is life if we can't find the meaning in it?
i want to grow and learn more. i really do. new york city itself will be a classroom. but the possibility of failure is hanging over me, and i'm worried about how i'll "do" in the fall. i've never actually worked hard for anything in my life, but i have a feeling that that's going to change. it's not that i want everything to be easy, it's just that i'm afraid to look like a fool.
i already feel like a fool...
with no job, license, or car.
i actually don't mind not having a job. that's one normalcy that i don't think i need to have. people generally get jobs to get money, right? well, i don't care much about money right now. and i know that sounds bratty of me, since i'm about to start college and all, but i just got A LOT of money for graduation. and it's all going in the bank. so right now, it's not a huge concern. the other reason people usually get a job is to have experience and meet people. that would be my reason for getting a job. but alas, i have some summer plans that just don't match up with a steady job. oh and there's the whole interview thing. i'm afraid of interviews.
i do want my license. hopefully third time's the charm?
[yes i've failed my driving test twice]
i don't handle failure well.
and car? i'm supposed to be getting my brother's old one, but no news yet. i think once i have a car, i'll generally feel a lot happier. it signifies much more to me than just something i can drive myself around in.
and did i mention that i suck at transitioning?
yeah. this whole graduating-from-high-school-and-going-to-college isn't processing in my mind very well. simply because, i'm leaving all of my friends behind. i'm not going to school with a single one of them. which is heart-wrenching considering i've been with most of them for four years, and we especially bonded this last school year. it's like losing a body part. weird analogy, i know lol. but really, they've become more of my family than possibly my own.
um... so i had meant to talk about my day haha. DIGRESSION!!
alright. so i hung around the house today... making food, taking pictures, reading.
i went out with my mom tonight... the library, starbucks, kroger...
such bustling places, i know.
oOo here's a photo from today:
OOOPS!! it's funny because i didn't realize that one of our plants was hanging down in front of the camera... idk it amused me lol.
i'm getting fed up with my life.
good thing there are FESTIVALS this weekend!!
if you actually read this entire thing, i thank you very, very much.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
i don't have my license, a car, or a job.
and i would be perfectly content with that
if only i was occupying myself in other ways.
maybe if i write a list, i'll give myself more motivation:
1. unpack & clean
2. put stuff on ebay
3. fill out job applications
4. finish nyu academic forms
5. write thank-you notes
mmm that's enough for now.