About Me

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"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Monday, June 16, 2008


i did NOT in fact go to that interview. haha. but i have a different interview scheduled for wednesday :/

so my weekend was spent with family and family friends in north carolina.

i was sad to say that the closest people in age to me were about 4 and 5... oh and their mother, who's like 25.

saturday we woke up and went to my aunt's mcdonald's. then we drove around and around visiting people i didn't know or remember. there was a death in someone's family, so that sort of put a downer on the day. for lunch/supper, my parents and i went to a seafood restaurant. GAG!!!! the only vegetarian thing on the menu was fettuccini alfredo, so i got that. oh, and fried okra =)

sunday we took my grandfather to breakfast for father's day. IHOP!!!!!!!!!! that will be my best breakfast all summer. key words: chocolate chip pancakes. after breakfast, we went to the church where one of my dad's friends is the pastor. then we visited my aunt and her kids [the people who are about the same age as me... relatively. 4, 5, 25. close enough?]

and then we had to go to the wake for the woman that had died. see, this is the sad part AND the good part. i'll skip straight to the good part because i don't like lingering around death. the woman had a few daughters... and a son. now, i hadn't met him or anything. i had only heard about him the day before because one of the sisters was telling us about his reaction to it all. see, their mother was found dead in her bed. well, i guess when he found out and went to see her, he actually climbed in bed with her, and tried talking to her. he really loved his mama. see, isn't that cute? the fact that he cared about her so much... but anyway. i heard that about him, and it just sounded so cute. and then at the wake, i saw him. he has long dreadlocks and dark skin. he walked in with sunglasses on [and walking hand in hand with some woman but anyway]... and alright, i know surrounded by all these mourners and such, i shouldn't have had the thoughts i was having AT ALL. it wasn't anything bad... and it wasn't creepy either. because i noticed that he was a little further up on the age spectrum... not quite my parents' age but certainly not in his 20s... ANYWAY. i don't know how to describe it. something drew me to him... while we were sitting there in the pew for who knows how long, i found myself constantly looking over at him.

ok before this starts to sound too creepy let me wrap this up lol... the entire family was sitting in the front row, and so my parents decided we were going to go around and greet everyone. so i hugged the sisters and tried to fight back tears even though i didn't know their mother. i shook a man's hand; i don't even remember what his name was. anyway, the son was at the end, and he smiled at me as i shook his hand, even though i could tell he was silently crying. being that close to the family made me a little teary, so i smiled back and tried to mumble something. i'm not sure how he interpreted it, but he said "you're trying?" and i [maybe] nodded and he said, "i'm trying." and because it would have seemed awkward to hug him, i just smiled and squeezed his arm. and he said "thank you." and he sounded like he really meant it. and that was it. it seemed like that simple touch held so much meaning, it spoke for me when i had no words. as fast as my feelings for him had arisen, they began to die away just as quickly as i walked out of the church.

i realized that it was so outlandish for me to be attracted to him. i mean, his mother just died. he's a grown man, who lives in north carolina, who i'll probably never see again. standing close to him, i realized he was a lot older than i had thought.

i thought about it all on the way home, and it made me laugh sort of.

i just don't understand myself sometimes. haha.

oh, and apparently he was 48.


the moral of the story: think of this whole scenario in a book or a movie. we all know that this could be the beginning of a very untraditional situation/relationship in a romantic comedy. "the one weekend that changed her life." or "who knew that this could come out of his mother's death?" hahaha. on the ride home, i was reminded of how i seem to constantly look at my life as if it were a movie. complete with soundtrack, i kid you not. i really do wish life was that simple, and that easy... and at least in the movies the ones that ARE difficult somehow end happily.

i realized that even though i didn't actually like him, i liked the idea of making a story out of the situation. in a theatrical way, it would be really amusing to chronicle how a recent high school graduate falls in love with a middle-aged, dreadlocked man who just lost his mother. now that it's written down, it's not as interesting to me. but you get the idea. the idea is that every day i stumble upon new ideas, new stories, new ways to look at life.

the stories keep calling me.

what am i majoring in again??? hahaha...

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