going insane!

i am COMPLETELY losing it.

my life has lost its meaning.

i'm not accomplishing anything,
i'm not really doing anything at all.

i feel so trapped where i'm at. here in ohio, in this city, in this house, with my parents.
i feel trapped in myself.

it's hard to figure out what to do,
when i can't even figure out what i WANT.

i miss the time when summer meant happiness and no stress. if only i could go back to two summers ago... when i spent most of my time at someone else's house, some at a soccer field, and some just wandering around trying not to get in trouble.

i feel as though i've been swimming at the beach... and somehow i got too far out, and suddenly, i find myself out at sea. all by myself. i look everywhere, and just see more water. and i'm crying out, "someone save me!" but there's no answer. it's all pointless.

i don't know what's going on inside my head. i don't even know where all these words came from. i don't even know why i'm so worried, why i feel so troubled.

thinking now... i've realized that part of the problem is looking for "someone" to save me. i can't depend on others to always be there, to watch my every move and make sure i don't get hurt.

maybe i've just been feeling really hurt lately? the people i DID count on don't seem to be there for me anymore.

i don't know... i think i'm thinking too much.