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"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Friday, September 12, 2008

whirlwind of emotions

yes, that's what i've been experiencing lately.

yesterday and the day before i was seriously seriously considering dropping out. you have no idea...i've been rationalizing it in my head, and thinking of what i would do instead. roam, peace corps, etc. i love new york, but i don't love school. it would make sense for me to go somewhere else, like OSU, where my parents wouldn't be paying A LOT of money for me to just fuck around and have fun. here, i feel like i have to get into my studies, or else it's pointless for me to be at such a good school... but whatever, i'm still thinking about it. i started talking it over with my mom, and though she was trying to rationalize it as well, i'm pretty sure i'll at least be finishing my first year here. [i still want to shave my head though...]

i think part of the reason why i'm reconsidering is because i had another fun night last night haha. i really don't feel like posting all my shit on this blog, just because it'll probably seem like i'm trying to sound really cool and rebellious... lol i swear i'm not trying to

"i just have a lot of feelings" hahaha mean girls is funny... but really though, yesterday was good and bad. bad because i was all depressed about college and stuff, but good because my roomie rolled some big ass joints. floor time! what's good now is that instead of rolling with like 15-20 people, we've established a smaller, closer group of [unlame] people... anyway, so we walked around and ate massive amounts of food. insomnia cookies, falafel, yolato, candy... when we got back to the dorm, we had some skyy & pink lemonade. sometime during the night, 7 or 8 of us were on one twin bed... but in the end, it ended up being 3 people in each bed [patrick & angel's room]. i slept with heber and angel. talk about warmth. i woke up at 6 and realized that everyone else had gone to their rooms, so i decided to leave... it would have been awkward for them to wake up, and i'm the only one left, you know? lol so i left and came back to my room. but kassandra was in my bed. i was going to go ahead and climb in with her, but there was a bunch of stuff on my bed. so i just grabbed a few articles of clothing for a pillow, and laid down on the floor. hahaha. kassandra left at like 8 or 9, so i finally got to sleep in my bed then.

somehow i woke up at noon...and almost immediately after i woke up, kassandra knocked on the door because a few people were going out to lunch. so i went. without showering. yes, i still haven't showered.

so today i have to create my own school. we have a group project in writing to create a university. there are 4 of us, so we decided that each of us would start a school [insert allusion to harry potter here]. i sort of think i got shafted because i have like the "generals"... you know, like arts & sciences. so it's harder to be creative with it. but whatever. so i have to do that sometime today before we go out tonight. you know, since it's actually the weekend now.

so i'm going to go sleep now and procrastinate as much as possible.

leave me advice/suggestions about my leaving-college situation, por favor.


Brianana said...

yes, it is the weekend!
I wanted to join the peace corps but apparantly you have to have a BA or something. laaame. but sounds like you need a trip to India or something. maybe hiking across the US making your way to Alaska (just dont run out of rice!)
Now that Im not in school... even if it just just for a semester I am starting to miss it.

Soogie said...

go travel! say it's a learning experience (which it is.. low key) and help kids in peru!!!

or you can come to my house and we can go to athens to visit nicole again. that works too.

go to korea!

caicra said...

i think that you should take all you life savings. use it on a plane ticket to europe and spend the next year just traveling around there. find random odd jobs everywhere you go to get food and a place to stay. take tons of picture and write a book about it. then after you are a famous rich author no one will think you have to go to school anymore. and then you are set for the rest of your life. and then if you blow all that cash just go to south america and do the same thing. lol

but seriously alia just pray about it. and think of what you really want to do. now what you think you should do or what your parents are telling you. what do you really want to do? i love you and i will be praying for you.

Brianana said...

she was super weird... she is always talking about death and stuff... but yeah, despite her weirdness, I would probably consider her a poetic 'genius'... I mean before maybe Junior year at MVA I never read her stuff.. but then mrs. Stevenson made me do a paper on her (I wanted Kipling).. and after spending so much time reading about her and reading her stuff it just made more sense.

I agree with Caitlin and soog. just go traveling. idk. seems like the best solution. (lol.. 'come to my house and we can go to athens')...
Dangit Alia! all this talk is making me rethink my life. again. lol. well like I said on twitter, good thing we arent old and wondering these things.

but yeah get a little mini translator and just go to Europe. The good thing about parents too, is that even though they really really really want to make you do something, you can still do whatever you want and they will still love you. like If I say 'eff this college thing' my dad would be so pissed.. but if I get arrested in Argentina I know he would probably bail me out. idk why i would get arrested but you never know. seems like the right thing to do- getting arrested in argentina.

okay its super early (lol 10:30am) and I really dont know what im talking about. I shouldnt be allowed to write this early.