taking a deep breath.
that's all i can do right now.
the words kept spilling on the page, my eyes kept glossing over, i kept writing, i kept reading, i kept thinking, i kept getting sad.
so i'm taking a deep breath.
i'm trying to make this breath mean as little as possible, trying to not give it extra meaning or strength, trying to not let it become too much of me.
i've done this too much, too often:
overwhelm, relax, cry, laugh, take a break.
i've done it all too much, and the only solution i can come up with is to take a breath.
but this very breath is coming so much more and i don't know what to do.
it's escaping my mouth, drifting, and as much as i try to understand and grasp it, as hard as i try to cage it, it just slips into all the other chaos in my life
and i don't know what to do.
counter-productive paranoia
a choking breath, a killing breath
i'm taking a deep breath.
loose translation: I'M FUCKED. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. OR DON'T HELP, JUST BE. I MISS LIFE. WHY DON'T I FEEL ALIVE? WHY IS THIS LIFE KILLING ME? WHEN WILL I GET A GRASP ON THINGS AGAIN? why is the beautiful weather making me angry? why do i keep tearing my bed sheets? why am i too afraid to share what i'm actually thinking? why do i have no one to tell these things to? no, you don't count. yes, i'm in a terrible mood.
About Me
- alia
- "too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."
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2 comments:
It sounds like your doing a lot of sharing right there. You should give yourself a little more credit. And maybe calm down and breathe a little.
Is there anything I can do?
Besides finally orchestrate a trip to Buca? Unless that's your request, in which case I'll make it happen.
iloveyoudon'tgiveup!
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