sighs of

when all you want to do is be skinny
the days don't matter, and the way the sun shines is never right
your dollar store tights are ripping and you don't care
the shirt you found in your brother's closet is too big and you like the way it envelopes you and hugs you and whispers that you'll never be too large for it
you just care about the next cigarette, and wonder what you'll do when the pack's empty
you find yourself blankly reading words, listening in conversations,
blankly
you answer the call of your next meal, tell the tea kettle to shush, end the whistling and the groaning and the growling
the mirror lies to you, widens you, you stare and stare and can't seem to understand what is going wrong, what isn't happening, when life will begin
your favorite jeans are falling off you and you don't notice
all you hear are lies, the comforting words that aren't so comforting
they're true but you don't want to hear
you just want to sit alone with your stupid cigarette and your stupid book and your stupid thoughts and your stupid life
the conversations are profound, and the education is high quality, ivy substance
but your parent's money can't erase and replace your stupid soul
the world becomes duller, viewed through sleepy red slits, life is a cloud and
you wish you could be a cloud


mmm unfinished, i think. i'd like to do something more with this. but whatever. if anyone was wondering, i no longer have a craving for donuts baaahahaha