sun hands

i woke up this morning feeling so
not good
it's been a week and my body still can't decide whether it will be sick or not
the weather taunts me and my final papers
i feel my sun hands lifting but i have to fight gravity and whisper
no not yet two weeks
looking forward to it like another birthday
not really good not really bad just more time
yes it seems as though i'm still alive
let's celebrate
not good not bad
two weeks and my hands can lift to the sky
my skin can be tan
and my sickness will be gone hopefully
but it's hard to tell
it's hard to know when the fireworks will end and when the winter coats will be thrown aside
i try to tell my body to stay awake but it wanes in the afternoon warmth
i try to read the words but they don't make sense and can't possibly compare to the great expanse of summer and life unlived and mistakes unmade
my throat is sore in the words unspoken
my body is too weak but not weak enough
the fever rises from my toes raises my arms my sun hands
but i have to fight gravity
for now
two weeks and my body will lift lift lift
it will be a cloud a particle of the sun's rays
floating into the great
good

exactly two weeks from today i will be done with finals and everything. this is about the weird semi-cold i'm currently struggling with AND cabin fever. obviously, right? also, i was listening to this song on repeat a little while ago. I JUST WANT SUMMER ALREADY.