5/2/10 [because i can't/don't want to think of a title]

i never thought i'd say this but i'm over tumblr and twitter and facebook and flickr
and foursquare and shit like that
i'm tired of trying to explain my life and my feelings in words, lyrics, smileys, clever phrases
when we want the entire world on our dicks at every moment of every day, haunting every dream
i can't even enjoy a song or a cup of tea anymore without feeling the need to share the experience with friendly strangers and estranged friends
what is this
my books aren't getting read, my room is not getting cleaned, my life is not being lived, nothing is getting done
my sanity only valid in its self-destruction
i sink into the madness, the welcoming madness, and i feel okay but they whisper and say it's not right, they say i need to add them and follow them and neurotically click buttons and wear out mouse pads, scroll scroll, oh there are new items on the menu, what? who sent me a cow? yes i can harvest wheat now, join mafia wars, join this group, like this, comment on this, tweet this, reblog this, heart this, add me add me add me add me add me, ask me anything, don't sleep - your crops will wither, oh did you see this video? it's hilarious, you forgot to serve the food, look at my photos, expand expand, click i looked at all of their photos, oh i became a fan of, all of them
my head throbs with a hopelessness
futile, it dulls as if it were a beating heart stabbed by a once-friend or a once-lover
i never thought i'd say this
and admit to myself how much You have become a part of my life, you bloodsucking leech, stripping us of our humanity, naked in the streets, kneeling, praying for redemption, praying that a real god exists and that the ambitious demons within us are but shadows, are but precursors to our greater calling in life
these are just pathways to truth and nature, Man takes to the road with conquer on his mind, everything can be conquered, everything can be discovered, everything can be known
forgetting the music of life, the soft humming of our cells and particles, collision, combustion, explosion, of everything, fireworks of sacred mysteries, sparks of incohesion, in recognition, electricity of society within limbs and branches, fins and ideas, weightlessness and gravity, green things and every other color things, pure essence of heat and wind and water, life-giving liquid, all the life-giving liquids, all the movements and instincts of our beings
that look and that fabric, that sigh and that yawn, that light and window, that morning, that evening, that
kiss of softness and hug of strength,
everything summed up in our spiritual souls, reflected in our physical bodies
supported in our inexplicable machines of minds, click clack of energy, toil and toil
oh god we are great, we could be great
limited in our limitlessness,
brains programmed to desire, follow, live one track,
oh but look how the mountains are shining, look how the grass sways, look how far the land reaches
reaching too far and holding too close,
we're losing the love of the land
we're losing the love of ourselves
we're losing the love
i never thought i'd say this
but love isn't everything, the connectedness and the ties and the Web,
they claim our love and our d;asdj distorted so much, they can't walk the streets freely, put on masks, prance about during the height of our natural festivities
we get high off the coke and interaction and attention
and we don't care our noses are bleeding and our homes are disappearing and our relationships are crumbling
oh no but they're right there, over there, that's them, right? in that mask, or no wait, it's that one, yes that's it, no not all is lost
but we're staring at shadows and silhouettes and outlines of the lives we once had and the dreams we once pursued and the time we once took advantage of, took for granted
people wander home, to the places they call home, not really homes but they have nowhere else to go, reeking of people they don't know, people they call friends, not really friends but they have no one else to go to, thinking about things they can't focus on, seeing things in a blurred dream, they wander home and the trash piles on the streets, neglected, leftover masks get swept away and forgotten, the monsters, They have run away anyway, the masks don't matter anymore, the masks don't matter because they have taken the love, forgotten in the shouting and moaning and sounds of ecstasy, they've taken it, distorted it, mixed it into the black mess of their undercoats, put our sacred shit over their faces and run away
i never thought i'd say this
because i am us, we are him are they are it is all everything is you are me

i may hate it, but i'm a slave of this system. fuck, i'm getting tired of evvvvvverything. i just want everything to be so simple. i'm actually sort of proud of this one, it became more complex as i was writing it. but i really don't want to get into explaining it. you know how these things are. pull one thread and ruin the entire fucking shirt.