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"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Thursday, March 4, 2010

today [thurs 3/4/10]

today was funny and interesting and out of the ordinary like all my other days. in spanish class we talked about uruguay and mate; the stoners were noted, and we all in hushed voices shared stories involving pipes and herbs and things like that. we laughed, dreamed, reminisced. am lit was nice as always. today we discussed native americans and got our second exams back. A. my school day would have usually been over then, but i had my spanish oral exam later in the afternoon. while sitting in the library, actually studying for a change, i was approached by a few asian people. they carried bibles in what looked like korean and i was able to distinguish words like God, Bible Study, Father, Mother, Christian? Youtube? the video they were going to show me [Just Five Minutes] didn't seem to be working so we decided on another time to meet. after they left i felt like the biggest bitch for giving them my number, a time, and having no intention of actually going. the guilt tinged the rest of my studying. i went to my oral exam, struggled through it and was utterly surprised i managed 90%. the tears told of my nervousness, relief, disbelief, and other things that i shouldn't have kept bottled up for so long. it was as if i was crying for the first, and maybe last, time. i felt embarrassment and i felt my professor's discomfort, confusion. then i felt his goodness as he said It's Alright, Hey! Look, You Did Well! yeah i really shouldn't keep things bottled up like this, or else i'll continue to explode at inopportune times. i was still fighting the tears as i walked passed a classmate who was next. How Was It? Oh It wipe Was tear Okay wipe wipe I Was Just Really Nervous avoid eye contact. i left the building and remembered the sun that had been shining all day, and i started to feel better. as i journeyed to the bus, my car i felt like i was seeing and really enjoying the sunset for the first time in my life. this is both true and untrue. that's what's so amazing about sunsets.

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