his eggs and my eggs

i complained about the eggs
until i realized you weren't there this morning
it wasn't until i finished this cold pb&j sandwich
hoping i could wash it down with some milk or a little warmth
it wasn't until i shivered in my empty apartment
i nitpicked about how there was too much oil
but really those eggs were seasoned to perfection
i don't think i mentioned it but they were
now i resort to walking somewhere, anywhere, just because i'm lonely
i'm sitting here with an unsatisfied stomach
and a throbbing head and an unfinished essay
wondering why i don't just pick up the phone or open the door
or do something to keep me from sitting here at this desk
praying for death
literally waiting for that moment
with all the flashing and the nostalgia and the screams of lost opportunities
and the smiling rejection and the irony
it was you who started this all
maybe it was before the eggs or after
i'm not sure though it doesn't really matter
but you became just another person who didn't understand
another who mocked my silence and commented on my hair criticized my actions and made my eggs wrong
just another to make life laughably unbearable
incredibly silly and useless
i'll lie in bed tonight and cry and think of the cleverly cute things i always forget to say to you to him to them
and i'll analyze the bits of dumpling and orange juice swirling in my stomach
feel the acid grasping my insides clinging to make it through the erosion explosion
i'll imagine the new boy i've fallen in love with
the way he wears tshirts and hats and polite interest and slight concern
the way he knows nothing at all about my shivering skeletons in bed
about my peanut butter jelly existence within a lonely breadcrumb world
but soon he'll be just another sunday morning
another plate of cooling breakfast