thinking about the new year upon us
has led me to meditate on where i was a year ago
facing another new year
and looking at myself today,
i see i'm still as scared and confused
i am always in various states of fright and confusion.
i measure time in seasons
so though we're at the beginning of a new calendar year
i remain in the dregs of winter
i feel nothing new will grow until spring
maybe an excuse to rest in my bundle of comfort, of steady easiness
maybe a surrender to the powers that decide our fate
the ones who birthed us, the ones who placed us here and now
powerless, i still feel powerless
trapped in streets of white, a gray tint to the fading world.
a welcome reminder that not all is lost
just as i was berating myself for not accomplishing enough in the last year
here i have a whole new one, a new chance
even though i've had multiple new chances
new weeks, new months
new days.
there's really no excuse.
i trick myself into thinking something is changing
but really i'm the one who has to change
i'm the one who could have made changes before.
this was probably supposed to be an optimistic post.
inspiring, visionary, things like that.
true, this year should be better than last.
but who really knows ever?
time makes fools of us all.
to be continued...
About Me
- alia
- "too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."
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