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"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

already [unfinished] 9/19/10

already he was there, in front of me, half-naked.
i hadn't even thought of this in my dreams. even if i had, i had never admitted it to myself, never envisioned it fully.
we had suddenly passed the realm of friendship, liking, loving. we had jumped into the cold waters of half-nakedness.
we had jumped, and barely knew each other.
he invited me in and i didn't know whether to sit or not.
i looked at the couch, but it almost would have felt just as right on the bed.
he went away for a moment, presumably to put on a shirt, but he came back just as he had been.
he insisted i sit, and so i sat.
i noticed the tattoo, on his ribcage, exactly where i've been considering getting mine. i considered his, guessed at the words scrawled there because i was too afraid to stare intently. i couldn't bring myself to look at his smooth, tight torso.
he was there, next to me on the couch, and then suddenly he was beneath me, on the bed.
except not really.
i forced my imagination back to the couch, focused on the other empty couch, the blank walls, the brightness of the room. he asked me questions and i was only able to manage a yes or a no, and a smiling giggle.
he said he liked my laugh, and he giggled too.
he asked the questions and i answered and we giggled.
after a while i asked questions and he answered.

this has been saved in my drafts since september. i've been looking back at it every now and then, telling myself that someday i'll complete it. but not now, i've realized. the real-life situation that inspired this has become stagnant and i think only when that is, um, resolved or solidified (?) will i be able to finish... one of those clinging things, you know? okay, i need to stop rambling and ruining everything.

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