maybe

if you were to sum up your life in one word, what would it be?
and i mean realistically
not any of this Love or Peace or God shit
i mean something like IDontKnow or Yes or No or Maybe
the things you make a part of yourself.
you inject these things every day.
sort of like the way when you drink too much coffee
the blackness oozes all over and into your soul.
or the way you sit down to write or draw or do whatever
and then can't figure out what you want to say.
that thing that floats above your head,
you swatswat to catch or repel it
but it's a sneaky one and lands right there
yep right on top of
right in
right near.
and it becomes silent and weaves itself into you.
you speak about it but don't know what it is,
you love it but can't see it,
you write it but don't think about it,
it becomes that much a part of you.
it stares you in the face,
and you stare back
look right through it.
it can't be Love because the love in your life changes, one love isn't the same as another love, one love disguises itself in things that aren't love, things that aren't love disguise themselves as love, it just doesn't work.
it can't be anything like Hope or Purple or even Life.
but But is always the same, Yes is always the same, It is always the same, Come is always the same, Window is always the same
because behind those things is something greater



funny story behind this. i was/am writing another poem and i got stuck. a word was becoming important, and i didn't mean for it to. i started thinking about the word and, since i've been thinking about the tattoo i want to get, i thought about having the word tattooed on me. because whatever i do decide, it has to be really meaningful to me, you know? it needs to be something that will, in a way, sum up my entire life. so that led me to question what the perfect word for my life would be.
funnily enough, i started this because i couldn't finish the other poem but now i can't finish this one.