glue

and the world crashes like a wave on every particle of my body
i've forgotten ocean communication
something about speaking to the salt
drinking tea blood
cherry atop a sad sunday
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i painted my nails the sky
clouds and blue
white and atmosphere
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i leave notes for him in the morning
when he's left for work and i have the apartment to myself
yesterday a bath of milky fiber
and emerged dripping my brain onto paper
poetic nonsense inhaled like the rectangle scrap i sprayed with cannabis rose
leave part of me for him in the evening
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the elements have been kind to me lately
lovely nature greetings
zoom through my eyes
corrupt my brain and
flee to necessary limbs and joints
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this doesn't make sense but
how can i explain that
my hands are the eternity in every cloud that hangs in the sky
that tea invigorates my veins fills cavities with history and hope
a taste touches tongue spreads and expands to the remaining blandness
spewing truth
trees whisper birds twitter their mysterious simplicity
an ocean within and without apply pressure to my body to keep it from
falling apart
from crumbling
and from dying without ever knowing the beauty in momentary crashes
the life in shifting twisting twirling
until pain subsides
and you cry just to cry just because you can because rivers and streams and lakes need an escape just like every other molecule in the universe
that in every chaotic second there is union
a kiss exchange meeting
a familiar face skeleton
harmony transferred from brain to hand to paper to hand to eye to heart

a drain to what

i feel dead
like someone sucked the life out of me
i can barely smoke the cigarette he slipped into my pack
i am melting
beneath summer heat and summer obligations
i am shrinking
and crying
and wailing
anguish sounds in every message
look
burning incense stick
every cup of tea
shattered mugs in the imagination
a wind that won't carry me away
punctuated rain
sleepytime allthetime
i told my soul to wake up
shaken beaten chastised
and still it slumbers
until some second coming
a second season or
a second fuck or
a second life
a third a fourth
a century wasted
on cheap wine and television
cheap people and stories
a skeleton ready to buckle
be assembled anew
replaced
instructed
in the proper ways of growing up
and growing boring
growing dead and dissatisfied
i can't do it
lift my arm
it's deteriorating
ruin flowing through veins
leaden weight keeping me immobile
lies churning brain whirlpool
a drain to what

his hair in my hair

strands descend like light through
curtained windows
to the bathroom for a long walk to work
forget the sunset
dream in daylight
and swaying smile to bedsheets
hide between layers under pillows
drift in and out of smoky universes
but always return home
to the golden waves
cerulean outposts
to guide the lost to safety

short and sweet. trying to get back in the rhythm of writing, the habit of twisting my perception just so so that it's readable, consumable.

trying to figure out what to do with my life

and i'm feeling stuck

may flowers

not writing, not good
spring gray with a chance of shower-kisses
i don't know what to tell you, i keep drifting away in the wind
some photos:

kangaroo hugs

and i want a cat to cuddle with when he's not here
kangaroo hugs ignite star fire displacement sadness
leave me still lonely
too much ice cream
a few too many dollars spent on past window displays
silly meandering
car rides full of air and all the breaths we forgot to take during the week
every gust of wind carrying the tunes of our souls to far reaches of city sprawl
a few cylinders of smoke and squinting timewatch
heavy moviewatch droopy lids to eventual nap
and a song unfurls to narrate the inescapable truth of union
when development arrested lies in spectator spotlight
and our legs motion to dance to keep crowds appeased
when all else is muffled dispatched shredded
and reveals greenblack patterns and enormous cuffs
lemon ginger tea and upset stomaches
to remember what it feels like to not love
i don't care to
and they only care to hear frail floral shouts and sighs of dying fabric species
and we'll laugh our feline laughs howl to companions and moon mother
limbs entwine breathe as one munch on hairstring envision lemonade
create summer a few too many times before summer
kiss ourselves to sleep in the day's lull
and wait wait wait for the next for the passing for

if this is treatment

how is emotionless gray
different, better than
streams of whiteblue droplets
ribbons of crimson
brilliant sparks quickly fading
short half-lives
i ask because i don't know which way to go
which is best
i'm hated either way
seasons change and nature laughs
at me every time
every day different but identically horrible
it only takes the weight sustained in a second
a hesitant word, an ill-phrased message, a forced greeting
the endless eternities suspended
between kisses, glazed eyes, vehicles, generations
if this is getting better i think i want my illness back
if this isn't i think i want my illness back
i want my illness back
ill back to back plunged into pillow softness
stretched for angles
liberated ribs hands bodypart bodypart
and a rigid spine complaining about things the heart can't say
things that make the mind cower surrender relapse
moisture outside walls outside lids
inside canyon lies
what to fit into these spaces
flinging bottles bouncing surface to surface echo
voices of tomorrow warning of yesterday
plastic universes shatter the inhabitants dissolve in lava
godzilla dances donuts create cartoons sigh size up the gods
fling everything to hell to gutters to treetops to abyss of coatpocket
scatter and gather and throw into a pile with all articles of bullshit
molded television shows and pills and cigarettes and gummy nonsense we occasionally call food
preservation for whatwho
why did the blank cross the blank
why does everyone ever blank and blank and blank
a blink
and then it's all gone
a world crafted constructed erected manually disappeared destroyed silent
hissing fade slowing heartbeat vibrating memories
tears emerge from the coaxing city and feet respond
pitterpatter of truth sidewalk rhythm
the distant being strains to ignore
wraps up in blankets nestles into boy
ignorance isn't bliss...
i could go on forever
the problem is i could go on forever