if this is treatment

how is emotionless gray
different, better than
streams of whiteblue droplets
ribbons of crimson
brilliant sparks quickly fading
short half-lives
i ask because i don't know which way to go
which is best
i'm hated either way
seasons change and nature laughs
at me every time
every day different but identically horrible
it only takes the weight sustained in a second
a hesitant word, an ill-phrased message, a forced greeting
the endless eternities suspended
between kisses, glazed eyes, vehicles, generations
if this is getting better i think i want my illness back
if this isn't i think i want my illness back
i want my illness back
ill back to back plunged into pillow softness
stretched for angles
liberated ribs hands bodypart bodypart
and a rigid spine complaining about things the heart can't say
things that make the mind cower surrender relapse
moisture outside walls outside lids
inside canyon lies
what to fit into these spaces
flinging bottles bouncing surface to surface echo
voices of tomorrow warning of yesterday
plastic universes shatter the inhabitants dissolve in lava
godzilla dances donuts create cartoons sigh size up the gods
fling everything to hell to gutters to treetops to abyss of coatpocket
scatter and gather and throw into a pile with all articles of bullshit
molded television shows and pills and cigarettes and gummy nonsense we occasionally call food
preservation for whatwho
why did the blank cross the blank
why does everyone ever blank and blank and blank
a blink
and then it's all gone
a world crafted constructed erected manually disappeared destroyed silent
hissing fade slowing heartbeat vibrating memories
tears emerge from the coaxing city and feet respond
pitterpatter of truth sidewalk rhythm
the distant being strains to ignore
wraps up in blankets nestles into boy
ignorance isn't bliss...
i could go on forever
the problem is i could go on forever