when

what do you do
when
all you want to do is
sip tea or coffee at a coffee shop
smoking cigarette
after cigarette
when
you try to eat
and it leaves a
bad taste in your soul
and you leave
the memory of it
in the toilet bowl
you watch the bits and pieces
of happiness
swirl and disappear
when
the phone remains silent
and the messages stop
and you can't muster
the courage
to reach out first
because sometimes
it's hard to see
an outstretched arm in fog
when
this fog
filters into your being
weighs you down
keeps you from
the movement you
so desperately need
and when
you feel that
no matter how loud
you scream
only
silence will answer