i wonder why i do the same things over and over, why i continually make bad decisions. i look at the sad routine of my life and wonder how i can escape...
i am diminishing,
that's all that's really happening.
some part of me is dying, has died.
i want to wake up, but how can you from such a deep sleep?
i can't find the poetry in life. the little pieces of inspiration that used to float here and there, they've fallen on the ground. disappeared in the dust of existence.
maybe this whole time i'm just being too dramatic. maybe i'm just being too lazy. that could be the problem. i don't know how to work hard on anything anymore.
i look at what i've done in the past and i'm terrified i'll never be there again.
i've fallen into a lifestyle that makes me feel shameful. what am i contributing? how am i working towards happiness?
i think a part of me just wants to go back to school. have people tell me what to do. have things to read and write. have deadlines. forget about the future for a bit longer. work towards a future that feels like it'll never come. be surrounded, thrown into social situations. be forced to find inspiration.
i just don't know who i am anymore, what i'm becoming.
i just have to keep trying.
About Me
- alia
- "too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I second that last bit. It's the least/best you can do--keep trying. Couldn't hurt. I think. Also, maybe you finally need to work at Java. Talk abt inspiration! lol, but really.
On another note, Matisyahu was lovely. and I hope to see you soon. nd I know that sounds like soon may not come for a while, but just so you know..the desire is there.
Post a Comment