About Me

My photo
"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Friday, January 21, 2011


feeling strange. these last few days at home, these days anticipating city life again. dreading school again. i feel more suspended than usual. i don’t think i’ve ever felt this homeless, this confused. at a loss for words, wits, pleasures.

texts from earlier today
friend: u go back to ny next week?
me: sunday!
friend: o wow, cool beans?
me: i don’t know. not sure how i feel.

crippled by growing anxiety. kept awake by my failures and imminent short-comings. exhaustion through anticipation. an endless stare in the mirror to figure out if the same person i was when i arrived, left, was away, is here now. did it change at all, are they all one? or is the me lurking somewhere in my dark new york streets; is it yawning in my old bed; or hunched over a desk in some classroom, gasping for remaining breath; betraying life, leaving it with chalkboard scribbles, empty eyes attached to empty fingers? is it dead? am i dead?
is it dead? am i dead? is it dead? am i dead?
i’m growing tired of being a zombie...

wrote this on tumblr just a few minutes ago. it's the only thing that slightly captures my current state. words/thoughts/allthings just haven't been coming easy lately.

1 comment:

Soogie said...

anxiety is... i don't know...
but there's nothing a little cigarette and tea can't solve~