when i'm dead people will wish they had appreciated me more when i was alive.

11/6/13

the best thing about a new day
is that it's a new day
and anything can happen.
i woke up this morning around 3 from strange dreams
and then had more strange/sad dreams until i went to work at 8.
i didn't want to leave my bed
but i'm glad i did
because the day was okay.
i got to be distracted.
i cried during my lunch break
but that's okay
because they were productive tears
and things are alright again
(for the moment)
and i felt better.
when i left work i was greeted by rain. and then i came home and relaxed with a cup of tea and some pizza.
my life and my mood have so many ups and downs,
so i really appreciate moments like this when i just
exist
and i'm not feeling too much or too little.
i just am.
and it feels good.

rough day, rough life, at least there's pizza

do you ever just get tired of being yourself
you feel so useless
a waste of a person
saying the worst things
feeling the worst things
feeling so low that you don't know how you're going to pick yourself up again
wondering how you're going to put the mask on when you face the world again
and though at times it felt like you were proven wrong, you remember that
it is you after all. you are what's wrong with the world.

optimism

just because you're
stuck
in a cave
doesn't mean
you
can't see
the light shining
on the walls

and even better
is when
you
begin to
believe in the light
and trust it enough
to
let it
lead
you
to the wonders
beyond

journal 10/16/13

I feel like I've lost myself in a maze, and I can't find my way out.

general frustrations

why do i waste
time
energy
feelings
on people?
when people don't waste any
time
energy
feelings
even pretending to care.
i guess it comes down to
the fact
that no one understands
or
wants to understand.
maybe i expect too much,
but i wake up alone
go to sleep alone
and in between
i'm alone.
people go about their lives
while my world is
crumbling.
i can't blame anyone for living
but i wonder:
why do i bother
living?

leftovers

sometimes
leftovers are good
when you're feeling lazy
or you've had a busy day
but right now
i can only think about
having no one
to feed