some mornings

some mornings
i complain about waking up too early
but after a while
i am grateful
for the opportunity to see the
fresh day with fresh eyes
and with a cup of coffee in my hand
things seem like they'll be alright

and i can experience the joy
of looking forward to another
bright morning
always different than the last
but just as likely to reveal
the wonderful things
life has to show

meh this didn't quite become what i had intended. work in progress.

water & fire

after i got off the phone
after i paused the tears
i got in my car
put a plastic smile
on my face
for the good people of CVS
and bought 20 sticks
of calm and collection
to silence my sobbing heart
and i'll smoke these until the pack's empty
and i'll buy another pack
and another
and another
until my mind's empty
and the ache has dulled
and the light has faded
from the fire
started two years ago
the fire so neglected as of late
the fire, as it dwindles
will transplant to memory
and burning still will be
a prayer for consumption

transition

i can't promise
i'll know what to say
or how to act.
but i will hold your hand
as you begin this journey
to
the other part of you
and i hope
when we discover
your true self,
you'll find
that i'm still
the right one
for you.
and i hope
i'll be strong
enough
to love you
as you should
be loved.

"simplify, simplify"

i stayed in the house all day yesterday
the furthest i went
was to get mail
dropped my Thoreau mug
yeah the sleek black one
with that perfect word
etched twice in white
got at walden pond
on a school trip

it cracked
it's a long crack
and it seems as if
the whole world has cracked
i wonder if
the whole world is falling apart

but truthfully
i have other mugs
and why should i hold
such attachment
to a material thing
god damn
Thoreau, you knew
what you were talking about

.

just when i begin to lose faith,
when things seem like they're falling apart
a new day arrives
the rhythmic sound of a sprinkler
light peeking through the blinds
casting radiance on our bodies
laying entwined
his heart in mine

serious talks

hurting especially hurts when you feel like all you're doing is hurting the person you love most.
changes need to be made, changes i'm working on.
it's hard.
but i'm fucking holding on
and this will work
or else it will all fall into disrepair.
i refuse to let the darkness in anymore.

inspiration is lurking somewhere...

finding it hard
to put my thoughts into words
to transplant this environment
into the landscape of my mind

i just need to sit down with no distractions and do it, do it and don't be scared... my imagination has become a terrifying place.
i lament for what my creativity was.
but hey, at least the weather's always nice. even the rainy days have a special charm, welcome after days and days of heat.
i am finding a certain kind of peace here.