it's nice to feel the sting again, the soreness...
it's nice to have new artwork.
but sadly, though i once welcomed this feeling of aliveness, right now i find myself upset that i am even breathing, upset that i'm able to experience this.
because it means i still have to experience all the rest of life. the shitty mess that is life.
i appreciate having at least one thing to focus on that doesn't suck, but this hurting seems to just reflect all the other areas of my life that are hurting.
i have a high tolerance for pain... but how much emotional and psychological pain can a person handle before it becomes too much? every day it seems there are new things to depress me. and it all just adds up.
but like always, i will just try to take it one day at a time, and hope for better tomorrows.
About Me
- alia
- "too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
11/6/13
the best thing about a new day
is that it's a new day
and anything can happen.
i woke up this morning around 3 from strange dreams
and then had more strange/sad dreams until i went to work at 8.
i didn't want to leave my bed
but i'm glad i did
because the day was okay.
i got to be distracted.
i cried during my lunch break
but that's okay
because they were productive tears
and things are alright again
(for the moment)
and i felt better.
when i left work i was greeted by rain. and then i came home and relaxed with a cup of tea and some pizza.
my life and my mood have so many ups and downs,
so i really appreciate moments like this when i just
exist
and i'm not feeling too much or too little.
i just am.
and it feels good.
is that it's a new day
and anything can happen.
i woke up this morning around 3 from strange dreams
and then had more strange/sad dreams until i went to work at 8.
i didn't want to leave my bed
but i'm glad i did
because the day was okay.
i got to be distracted.
i cried during my lunch break
but that's okay
because they were productive tears
and things are alright again
(for the moment)
and i felt better.
when i left work i was greeted by rain. and then i came home and relaxed with a cup of tea and some pizza.
my life and my mood have so many ups and downs,
so i really appreciate moments like this when i just
exist
and i'm not feeling too much or too little.
i just am.
and it feels good.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
rough day, rough life, at least there's pizza
do you ever just get tired of being yourself
you feel so useless
a waste of a person
saying the worst things
feeling the worst things
feeling so low that you don't know how you're going to pick yourself up again
wondering how you're going to put the mask on when you face the world again
and though at times it felt like you were proven wrong, you remember that
it is you after all. you are what's wrong with the world.
you feel so useless
a waste of a person
saying the worst things
feeling the worst things
feeling so low that you don't know how you're going to pick yourself up again
wondering how you're going to put the mask on when you face the world again
and though at times it felt like you were proven wrong, you remember that
it is you after all. you are what's wrong with the world.
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