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"too much stuff, too many places, too much information, too many people, too much of things for there to be too much of, there is too much to know and i don't know where to begin but i want to try."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

bummer. moment of depression. whatever.

the professor of one of my favorite classes ever ever emailed us to tell us about the class she’ll be teaching in the fall. i’m momentarily depressed that i’ll be leaving. her class was honestly the only thing i really enjoyed while away from new york; and it was the only one that challenged, inspired, and “enlightened” me. i was able to look at literature in a completely new light, while at the same time focus more deeply on themes that already interested me. she’s absolutely wonderful, and since the end of the quarter in march i’ve been regretting not showing her my full potential. that class was the only thing that made me even consider that my life in ohio could work. the fact that this little email is making me question, almost regret, going back to nyu is blowing my fucking mind. how do you walk away from such talent, from the person who may be the greatest teacher of your lifetime? how do you walk away from a life that may turn out better, be more positive or successful, than the one you’ve so desperately dreamed about? shit, guys.
why do i always make horrible decisions?
i mean, i know the class is only 10 weeks and we're not going to be best friends and my professor isn't going to decide the rest of my life, but it's about what it symbolizes, you know? if i can find some happiness, some direction, some clarity here, then why the fuck do i need to search for it in new york? why follow a path i don't need, or maybe don't want, to go down?
again, why do i always make horrible decisions?


Geneviéve Cuva said...


Maybe, you'll get to NYU & it'll turn out that there'll be a prof that is just as inspiring, or maybe a classmate or some employee at the coffee shop you might become a regular at, or maybe a combination of all three, and it will be just as amazing as your favorite prof at OSU?


I hope so.

Geneviéve Cuva said...


Maybe... COSI? Or North Market? Walking around downtown is always interesting, or going to see amovie, or getting ice cream! Or open mic somewhere? I only know Travonna, but I'm sure there would be other places with music...