handle

it takes just
one thing
to be
one thing
too many
to handle

i don't have
a handle
on these
things

looking at
the handle
of my mug
i wonder
how it
manages
to
hold
all the things
how it
remains so strong
how it
prevents
the contents
from spilling
and
the mug
from shattering

safety of the blade

dare i run to it?

used

it's hard to avoid
being used
by people.
but babe,
it felt
best
when i was
used
by you.

second time

second time in the last few days that i've woken up from a (the same) bad dream.
it is the last thing i want to think about.

my days are empty, simply passing without much doing.
too isolated, too depressed, too ugly,
too too much.
or rather, there is
too too little
happening.

how will i get out of this place?

wish upon a star

cigarette to forget the bad dreams
let the smoke lift me to another world
with each inhale
letting go of false thoughts
false realities
but it's hard to shake off
the way you talked about her tattoos
or the quiet moment you had
with her
when i wasn't there
even in your thoughts
i wasn't there
and i crumble when i think about
every boy i've shared
a bed and a heart with,
in the end
i'm never there
like i myself am a cigarette
to consume, to discard,
to transform and
forget
in a cloud of smoke
and i'm learning my place
as a cloud of smoke
exhaled into the heavens
after trying different people different places
a truth remains
every day is as lonely as the last
every day i turn to the sky
scream take me take me take me
my lungs tired, black,
aged like my cynical soul
and weary so weary
from trying to make sense of
the actions of manwoman
the deceitful thoughts of manwoman
the corruption that pervades
even the sweetest of beings
i get mad at myself for
expecting
too much the world is
still spinning
and i am
still crying
over spilled milk
as they say
as they believe
as the days pass
silent i wait
for ascension to free me
to carry me away with
the birds the planes
the rockets
washed in a sea of black
exploding flinging bits to the cosmos
becoming one with the great expanse
being one on earth never seems to work
being two a death wish
upon a star indeed

so just for the record

i hate people.
i hate everyone.