8/30/09: russell brand writes,

"there's something about the collapse, the yielding; it's giving into death i suppose, but it kind of makes you feel at ease. i've got this sense in me sometimes that perhaps death will simply be blissful - an endless expanse of nothingness, which might be a great relief from the tyranny of life's minutiae."

i think

my journal has been crazier than usual, so i'm hesitant to post anything new. my last post basically sums up my entire summer. i have one month left, but i have a feeling it's not going to be much different. i can't tell if i've been making better or worse decisions with my life. it's summer, so i honestly don't care at the moment. except i do care, but i have this tendency to not do anything about it. i think i'm going to be a bit depressed the next few days, because everyone i know at nyu is moving back to the city; and coincidentally, i've been wanting nothing more than to be back in the heart of new york, throwing my life away more rapidly than i am here. hi my name's alia, and i'm terribly confused.

8/6/09: dreams

dreams of stars and blankets and tents and cuddling and bonfires and smoke and smoke and more smoke and more alcohol and more sex. and recklessness and bad decisions. and torture, reward, and coffee. addiction, sweet, sweet addiction. lights, darkness, exposure. after exposure, after exposure. development. prints, progression. depression. hopelessness, future. old and young. cold air.

8/6/09: john hughes died

he did great things for the 80s and cinema

8/2/09: new york -

i lost my soul there, and i'm pretty sure it still has my heart, too.

8/1/09: happy brirthday to me.

"did i really think the world would stop for me?"